double trouble

it's been longer than i would like since i've last posted. despite finding myself in front of my computer more than i'm even willing to admit, somehow that time just never materializes into a post.

let's start with the weekend. this weekend was absolute rollercoaster.

friday i went to Style's for "cheap wine night." it was supposed to be a similar evening to the night we had after thanksgiving dinner, when we all crashed at Bee's. so Bee was supposed to come, but he realized he had already promised he'd meet an old friend that night and said he might come later.

Style made sheperd's pie, which was delicious, and we finished off 2 bottles of cheap wine. i was definitely drunk and blabbed all my boy troubles, if you can call them that, to him in a drunken haze. i didn't want to spend the night, so i made my way out in plenty of time to catch a train home. i was way drunker than i thought. one stop before my stop, i knew i wasn't going to make it. i got off and went looking for a restroom. i finally went and asked the station attendant. sadly, i didn't make it in time. i'll leave the details at that.

eventually i got home and miraculously made it to bed with the door locked and in my pajamas. i did sleep with my contacts in and had one of those "i can see! ...oh, wait. shoot!" moments in the morning when i woke up but otherwise, i was lucky to only end up with a hangover.

saturday i got a text from Oto. basically he said that he couldn't go out on sunday (the "date" we made 4 weeks ago was finally here) because he still isn't over his girlfriend. i couldn't believe it. i had been looking forward to it for 4 weeks. and now?! i called Chelsea. i cried. i drafted a reply.

"Oto, it's okay. it's okay if you're not over her. it's okay if you can't "be with" another girl. i can handle it if you just tell me what's up. of course, i was looking forward to tomorrow but that's just because i thought it'd be fun if we went together. for now, that's it. i mean, i think you're a great guy and want to be friends. i'm not expecting anything other than that. that being said, you still can't go? if you can't, of course i'll be a little sad, but i can understand."

i called Chelsea. i sent the text. i waited. and waited. and then i had to leave.

saturday night was the middle school end of the year party. it was at a restaurant near my house so i rode my bike. i didn't put one and one together to realize it was a blowfish restaurant! i ate a lot of blowfish. whoa. crazy. some of it was good, some of it was not so good, and some of it, i just couldn't even bring myself to try. eating a plate full of blowfish sashimi was pushing my "challenge" courage as it was. half way through the night, i started to feel sick, so i stopped drinking any alcohol, switched to apple juice, and stuck to the vegetables that came with the blowfish.

the second party was low key and i was feeling down. Oto still hadn't replied and i wasn't in the happy drunken state that everyone else seemed to be in. i just wanted to go home and curl up in bed. i mentioned to Cheer that i had to talk to her about something that came up regarding my date with Oto, so in the end, she came over.

she lives nearby too and had ridden her bike, so we rode our bikes home and i gushed the whole story. in the end, i texted him and asked if he'd seen my text and what he was thinking, and that i was waiting for a reply. i went to bed feeling uneasy and disappointed.

i woke at 7:30am and saw that i had a text from Oto at 7am. "aw thanks jo. then, shall we get dinner? meet at 4, right? i'll try not to be late. sorry i took so long to get back to you. i fell asleep yesterday at 4."

relieved, i went back to bed. when Cheer and i finally got up at 10:45, i properly replied to Oto. i was excited again, but slightly miffed by what was going on with him. i don't want to have to play these games; the waiting and the guessing thing is just not my style. but for the time being, we were going on a date. and i was smiling like a giddy little kid.

one productive weekend

friday:
had the day off work.
bought a bunch of stuff:
- vacuum cleaner. (finally!)
- bike. (yay!!)
- kitchen and bath mats.
- one of those vacuum seal storage bags.
vacuumed my whole apartment.
stored away my spare futon.
Carr came over.
made spaghetti for dinner.

saturday:
had to work in the morning.
reorganized a bunch of stuff (books, tools, computer accessories, etc.)
slightly rearranged my bedroom.
watched an episode of america's next top model.
had an early night.

sunday:
woke early-ish from receiving a text from Carr.
took dry cleaning to the cleaners.
went to the grocery store.
made pasta salad, with enough left over for lunch tomorrow.
got prints of 40 or so photos made.
hung said photos on my wall.
watched two episodes of project runway.
drank an entire carton of 100% juice.
finished grading 62 eighth grade english tests.

beMusings

a couple weeks ago, Chelsea and i were both feeling a little sluggish and not quite in the mood to go out all night, but decided to go out clubbing anyway. oddly enough, those are the times when it actually ends up turning out to be a great time.

we met at a station near my house, where i was armed with convenience store drinks for the train to the club, Muse. oh the fruity alcoholic beverages that japan provides...

we were looking hot (if i must say so myself!) and we were giggly and getting in the mood for some dancing. for the majority of the evening the two of us alternately rocked it out on the dance floor and took breaks in the big comfy booths around the bar so we could scope out the crowd.

at some point in the evening, a guy caught my eye on the dance floor. hoping he'd come over, i played it cool with Chelsea. after all, what's more attractive than a girl who is thoroughly enjoying herself?

eventually, we made our way into the middle of the dance floor, near where he was. and slowly i made my way in front of him and approached him. we didn't speak at first, but he definitely wasn't saying no. i think it was me who first spoke and asked what his name was. he was surprised that i could speak japanese and explained that he had wanted to approach me but assumed that since he couldn't speak english, it would be worthless. i laughed, and he said, my name's Carr.

we hit it off on the dance floor and when we took a break, he bought Chelsea and me drinks. then he and i went back and danced the night into morning.



fast forward to now.

he knows how to get to my place from the station and where the closest (fared) parking lot is when he drives. we've gone out to dinner once and i've cooked in at least three. he's slept over several times. his toothbrush is in my medicine cabinet.

he's a gentleman and totally respects my boundaries. he is definitely a guy who appreciates cuddling and canoodling. a rare species no doubt. on top of that, he emailed me out of the blue the other day and said he was going to study english. he doesn't need it for his job or for daily life, and when i pressed him about it, he acted shy and wanted me to drop the subject. verdict is, he's smitten.

now if only i knew what i was...

school daze: a teacher on tokyo

today a teacher asked me, "do you have a lot of friends in tokyo?"

and when i said, "mm, yeah i guess i do,"

she said, "oh really? ...so you don't get bored in tokyo?"



first, she sounded genuinely surprised that i said i had friends,

and second, how could someone possibly get bored in tokyo?!



i guess i should mention that this woman is...well, kind of a bitch.

nano universe

today i went with Bee and Style to a nano universe sale.

i bought a pair of shoes that were 60% off.

even with the discount, they were just over $300.

i've most definitely gone crazy.

oh, but they ARE cute.

the 'burbs are movin' up

bed head hasn't gone as well as hoped. i go to bed with it wet and then just straight iron the monster in the morning.

a new shopping center opened up yesterday in the town where i work. it was a school holiday (school's "birthday") so i went to the opening day. there were hordes of people, babies, students from school, and after 3:30, students from nearby schools started piling in. i went with two other teachers and we had lunch then just wandered around.

the bookstore is really nice (very very minor english section, but what can i expect out in the 'burbs...) and there were a couple of my favorite kind of "stuff" stores. the kind of store that sells a little bit of everything. they also had a cool and cheap jewelry store. lots of funky gem stone pieces. i went for the "tanoshimi fukuro" which the japanese version of a "grab bag". it was 2,000yen ($20). i got a cool gem stone ball key chain, a simple plus sign necklace, a cell phone strap and two bracelets along with a bunch of other not mention-worthy things. decent deal i guess. i got a lot of stuff i wouldn't pick out myself, but if i have it, i might wear it. a little branching out never hurt.

after we browsed all the stores and took a break in starbucks, we said goodbye. i stayed and wandered around some more. i saw fun/funky pair of mary-jane-esque shoes that were vintage silver and they felt good on until i checked the price tag: about $350. um, no thank you. i treated myself to colored tights instead. teal and a muted maroon color. figured i should get one funky and one more conservative (if you can say that colored tights are even conservative!)

i came home and cleaned like a mad woman. i scrubbed the shower and bath, the toilet room, and did half the dishes. it doesn't sound like a lot, but my bath cover (totally a japanese item that i don't even know is worth describing) was gross so i took a little Mr. Clean to it and now it smells and looks great.

after that i went through my closest and tried on all kinds of outfits with my tights, my new boots, some skirts that i drug out from the bottom of the closest. we'll see if any of them make it out the door of my apartment. haha.

my friend Rosen is coming tomorrow morning. he lives in northern japan and is taking the night bus tonight and getting into tokyo station at 5:15am. i actually have to work tomorrow, even though it's a saturday, so hopefully he gets here before i have to leave. he wants to drop his stuff off and maybe take a nap but i'm not sure how having only one key will work.

and unfortunately i didn't get around to buying a guest futon yet. we'll see what happens. i might have to come home in the afternoon tomorrow to do some errands and such before going back to the parent/teacher gathering at 6.

booties

i went out yesterday with Bee and a mutual girl friend of ours, Gum. she's japanese but went to high school in the US and went to the same university as me, Bee and Style, here in japan. she works for an insurance company about 2 hours outside of tokyo and comes home most weekends to hang out with friends and get back to civilization.

i was already running late to meet them in harajuku at 1 and when i got to the train station, i realized i forgot my wallet. by the time i got back home, my feet hurt from my heeled boots. plus i remembered that Bee likes to wander the back streets of tokyo's trendy shopping districts, even if he doesn't buy anything, so i changed into my converse all stars. (in hindsight, a more than excellent move)

it was almost 2 by the time i met up with them at Fujimama's, a restaurant with what seemed to be an almost all foreign staff. we ordered in english. the food was alright. i just don't think i picked the right dishes.

after lunch we went to fendi to fix Gum's watch and folli follie to pick up a necklace that Bee's friend asked him to get for her. apparently the necklace is only sold in THAT particular harajuku follie follie store. it wasn't even that cute. but whatever floats your boat.

we eventually wound up in shibuya and took a break in mcdonald's for large drinks and oreo mcflurry's. yum.

Bee had a dinner meeting with an american guy from Nike so we saw him off and Gum and i made our way into 109. she wanted a cheap temporary replacement watch and i wanted to people watch. gyarus galore. i felt severely underdressed in my converse, jeans, a black ribbed turtleneck and beige puffy down vest. we just walked around, gawking at the clothes and the mere mass of people jammed onto each floor and in each shop.

we casually looked at bags and accessories. and shoes. the clothes are all "one size." that one size being "very small." so, i don't even bother looking. but bags and shoes and accessories, oh my!

in the end, i walked out with a cell phone sticker made of pearly beads in the shape of a j. (Bee calls it "bedazzling your cell phone.")

and two pairs of...booties. you know, the "must have" fall shoe?

yeah. uh...who am i again?

dry cleaning, take two

3 pairs of pants
2 sweaters
1 button down shirt

2200 yen

(in iriya)


well, you know what they say: tokyo's expensive.
i got twice as much for that price in the suburbs.
but then again, it was exactly that:

i lived in the suburbs.

school daze: boring

today we were reviewing the words, "great, cool, awesome, okay, not bad, terrible, awful" and practicing saying what we thought of things.

the chart had classical music, basketball and music videos. they were supposed to add two more things. sports, food, anything. they were then supposed to fill in the chart for themselves. then they had to ask their partner, "what do you think of ____?" and fill in the boxes. simple enough.

two smart boys that sit in the front have slowly gone from active and participating to being cheeky and downright pissed at me that i would even dare ask them questions. they didn't add two more things and wrote, respectively, "boring" and "okay" for the three provided topics.

i said, "hey (boy's name), what do you think of basketball?"
"i think it's boring."

"what do you think of music videos?"
"i think it's boring."

he's on the baseball team and i know he loves baseball. so,

"what do you think of baseball?"
"i think it's boring."

sigh.

at least he's got decent pronunciation.

roll call: Mr. Oto

last march, as there is every march, there was an end of year faculty party. the party serves as a goodbye to those teachers who are not coming back in april and a welcome to those teachers who are starting in april. it was held at the fleur garden, a building shaped like a castle that has several meeting halls used for weddings and other big gatherings. everyone from the superintendent and to the cute older man and woman who clean the bathrooms to the bus drivers attends, bringing the faculty count to somewhere close to 200, i'd guess.

the fleur garden sent a charter bus to the school to pick us up. why, i don't remember, but on the way someone was holding a bunch of papers that looked like applications. i glanced at the one on top and read the person's name. i thought nothing of it at the time but later at the party, when meeting some of the incoming teachers, it came in very handy.

everyone had had a few drinks and we were joking around and a new guy said, "yeah well, then, what's my first name?" (side note: japanese people go by their last names, and rarely use their first names, even between close coworkers) and for some reason, i knew it was the guy who's name i'd read on the paper so i said, "Oto." and even explained how to write it japanese kanji. i acted like it was common knowledge. he was shocked. (heehee) he was cute and i was pleased with myself to have impressed him.

for the next several months, nothing of significance happened. he was just a new teacher. i'd see him around, but didn't chat or know much of him. sometime before summer vacation, we ran into each other at the train station and rode together until his stop. at the time, he told me he had a girlfriend and i made a mental note that he was taken.

over the last month he's been more friendly. i sometimes wondered why he seemed to be lightly flirting with me. when i stop in at the part time teachers' room (where his desk is) to chat with some of the other teachers, i say hello and sometimes we chat. but i remembered, he's unavailable.

well, his girlfriend dumped him a couple weeks ago.

and now, the ladies at the snack shop in the cafeteria think he's got his eye on me. i've been chatting with them since i started working at the school last september. they are my personal listeners, advice givers, japanese study supporters and all around wonderful ladies. they know most of my juicy gossip and can be trusted to keep it. (they'll get their own post one of these days...)

lately Oto has been coming around the snack shop too. i think he realized what a resource those two ladies are and needed someone to listen to him. so, at the snack shop, sometimes we run into each other, sometimes we don't. but the snack shop ladies told me today that he brings me up in conversation frequently. almost exactly two weeks ago, via the snack shop ladies, i found out he wanted my cell number and text address. i went straight to the part time staff room and we exchanged numbers.

needless to say, the fact that we work together complicates things a little bit. but, what's life without complications and adventures?

the snack shop ladies claim he's not bold enough to ask me out, fearing that he might be annoying me by asking or that i would just say yes because i didn't want to hurt his feelings. i told them he should just ask. i wouldn't say yes because i "should."

i'd say yes because i've kind of got my eye on him too.

bed head

it's been two months since i got my hair cut last. that indirectly means it's been two months since i've been home in ohio. i got my hair cut just before coming back to japan and...well, i hated it. i kept seeing my "old" long hair in photos and wishing it was back.

and yet, i just got my hair cut again. i had a free evening and having read this a couple weeks ago, i'd been thinking maybe i should check it out. apparently watanabe hair is one of the best places in tokyo, especially for non-japanese hair (can we say blond, fine, and a little wavy?).

i didn't really lose too much length, but i've got serious layers, including some short ones around my face that act like side-swept bangs. for some reason lots of layers always end up looking mullet-like on me. hmph. anyway, the woman blew it straight, so the jury is still out on whether or not it looks good when i let it air dry and go wavy.

or when i go to bed with it wet and let it do whatever it wants, which i plan on doing most of the time. i can't do high maintenance hair, so hopefully this time around it's bed head perfected.

school daze: school violence

yesterday at school, an eighth grade student shot a seventh grade student with an air gun.

the seventh grader was playing outside the school building, in a grassy area during lunch recess, when the shots came from the balcony of an eighth grade classroom on the second floor. he was hit three times (once nearly missing his eye) and said that several more were shot, but missed him.

as information came out, it seems that one student had brought the gun, one student brought the tiny bead-like pellets, another boy actually pulled the trigger, and several others were involved.

school violence in not only an american issue.

how do we deal with it? as teachers, as parents, as students, as human beings...

english with Zara, part VI

yesterday was week four with Zara.

he talked about airlines that are recruiting. we asked each other "interview questions." he wore the black jacket he wears everytime. and it looked as good as always.

that morning i debated about what to wear to work because i'd be going straight from work. i wore black pants with tiny white pinstripes, a lavender/plum colored short sleeved collared button-down, and a cream colored three quarter length sleeved cardigan. i wasn't too impressed with myself but figured it'd do. but then, at work i passed Mr. Oto (a guy at work, who, deserves his own post soon) in the hallway and he complimented me on my outfit.

and i don't mind impressing Mr. Oto a little too. ;)

english with Zara, part III

i just got home from my third monday of english with Zara. not only is he all of the things i said before, but he's a thinker.

we talked a lot. about life. about family, being rebellious, marriage, careers, dreams, compromise and values. i said a few things i usually don't say out loud to people. i don't know what got into me. so i qualified it all by saying that inside, i'm a fairly negative person, despite having a seemingly only happy-go-lucky attitude.

to which he said something along the lines of, "people around you might tell you that saying those kinds of things is negative thinking, but i don't think so. i think most people think those things too; they just don't say them. i think you are a encouraged person, no, i mean (then, in japanese:) 'you have courage.' you aren't...scared for saying that? (in question form, unsure of his english)"

"you mean, 'afraid of saying that.' well, because if they say them, then they become real."

"right, and other people are afraid to say them, but you aren't."

oh if only he really knew.

roll call: Mr. Gold

Mr. Gold may very well be the person i respect and admire the most at work. granted there is a lot to be said for what i don't know because of the language barrier, but regardless, he's got a good head on his shoulders and he really cares about the kids at school. they might not realize it, but he cares so much about them and doing what's in their best interest. of course, he's still super strict and frequently yells at students in the staff room when they misbehave, but it's because he cares. he expects a lot of them and i respect that.

he was my phys. ed. teacher when i was a student. i still remember one day we were playing softball and he said, "how many people are lefthanded and need a lefty glove?" i raised my hand. he looked at me in complete shock and exclaimed, "you understood japanese! you are amazing. here, get a lefty glove." while it may seem like such a little thing, i was so proud to have impressed him. and i continue to crave his attention and approval now.

he is one of the busier teachers in the middle school, being the coach of a nationally ranked swim team, in charge of how many other who knows whats, but he always has time to laugh and joke and talk to me. we joke around a lot and he always comments on how awesome i am for always trying to improve my japanese. and he calls me "you" in really crude japanese, considering we are coworkers, but it's somehow comforting. he likes me enough to be overly casual. other teachers call me "jo" or "jo-sensei," but for some reason he is different.

he is a little rough around the edges, but is definitely one of the most sincere people i've met. when you get past the hard exterior, he has a heart that matches the gold chain around his neck.

school daze: baseball

the japanese high school pro baseball draft was today.

a student from where i work, a senior in high school, was drafted by the seibu lions, a tokyo team. now he's five months and graduation away from being a professional baseball player.

these are the things little boys' dreams are made of.

baseball in japan is not "the nation's favorite pastime." no, here in japan, it's serious business and hours of sweat and tears. even nights when i leave at 8pm, i can stil hear the clinking of baseball bats and yelling coming from the brightly lit fields.

the baseball players are notorious for sleeping in class. they practice for an hour before school and at least four hours in the evenings. on sundays, they practice from nine am to seven pm. i always see the boys running from the high school to the baseball fields after school. they have no time cushion. the discipline is so strict it's unbelievable. the younger students must get there first and get all the equipment ready. they also seem to be constantly on edge looking around for older baseball players; they must stop, bow, and greet their seniors whenever they see them.

our school even has a small dorm for baseball players who live too far away to handle the practice schedule AND commuting to school (which for some students is up to an hour).

but it's all worth it for some, to have a chance at becoming a pro baseball player. and this year's draft has no doubt sparked the hopes of many, who get up at dawn to practice and play well past dusk at least six days a week, all year round.

school daze: passing notes

*****************************
Dear (girl's name)

Do you like (boy's name)?

From (girl's name)

*****************************

written in blue sparkly pen on a pink disney themed memo.

confiscated during english class.

oh to be 13...

roll call: Mr. Math

if there's one thing that IMMEDIATELY turns me off, it's someone with bad table manners. and i don't mean the cotillion kind where you know what every fork is for, where the dessert spoon goes, and you cross your legs at the ankles (because at the knee isn't ladylike!) no no, i'm talking about basic EATING.

and simply put, Mr. Math is atrocious. the basics: he's 25, teaches math, still lives at home (not unusual these days it seems) and his mom still makes his lunch everyday. he claims that she just cooks it and he packs it into the lunch box, but that still doesn't really change much in my opinion. i will admit that i'm a tad jealous to have a homecooked lunch everyday but would never admit that my mom packed my lunch if i were him, nonetheless.

the school lunch break is 40 minutes long and homeroom teachers are encouraged to eat their lunches in the classroom with their students. mr. math doesn't have a homeroom (he, along with me, and one other teacher, mr. pool are called "support teachers" for the 7th grade year) so lately we've been eating at our desks.

Mr. Math eats in about 7 minutes. that is not a statement about the size of his lunch (at least 150% the size of my standard cafeteria bought lunch) or the urgency of his 40 minute lunch break. he shovels, literally shovels, as much food as is possible with chopsticks into his mouth. before even chewing twice, he's already loaded up the 'sticks with another huge mouthful. i'll leave the rest of the details to you, but know it's not attractive.

he spends the rest of his lunch break sifting through papers, books, clothes for soccer practice later, and who knows what else that has found itself balancing vicariously atop of the mountain that covers his desk, for, again, who knows what. that, or reading books like, "the history of math" or "math for making it in college." we've got a serious math lover on our hands. other 7th grade teachers have made comments that ALL he thinks about is math.

anyway, lately his desk's been particularly messy. just a couple of days ago he made a comment that the state of his desk was horrible. i haven't noticed a change since the comment, however.

as for me, i've actually taken to making a kind of "wall" between our desks. back in april, when he started and we ended up sitting across from each other, his things would inevitably creep their way over onto my desk. call me anal or what you will, but i can't stand that kind of unorganization and i promptly put a small file box in between us to hold my ground. his side of the mountain has grown with handmade cardboard box files stacked on top of each other and pretty soon i won't even know what's going on over there. at least i won't have to scowl and explain that i can't understand him when he talks to me with his mouth stuffed full of food.

for my inner yogi

i just splurged on a great pair of....yoga pants.

that's right, i don't do yoga, nor do i intend to start yoga anytime soon. but these pants? they are super comfortable. and you know, i work hard. i deserve a little bit of splurging once in a while. and i they FIT. really well.

see, i rarely buy clothes in japan because i can rarely find my size. even american stores, i swear, readjust their sizes. i'm usually not one to obsess about numbers but i tell you, i go into the gap and feel like a cow. on numerous occassions, i've gone in, held up a pair of jeans in what i expect to be my size and can tell right away they won't fit. in fact, neither will the next size up. or the next. i tried on a pair two sizes bigger than what i normally wear at the gap in the states and couldn't get them buttoned. don't try to tell me that the sizes are "american." they aren't.

anyway, i digress. i went shopping in shibuya with Chelsea and after hitting up this great burger place, we headed to lululemon.

though convinced that "these types of pants don't look good on me," after having gotten a highly disapproving look from Chelsea, i tried on about six pairs of pants. between gawking at the price, having chelsea throw more pairs over the dressing room door, being joined by chelsea in the dressing room, and discussing what kind of underwear one wears with such pants, i threw out all reason and just bought a pair.

cut just below the knee, fitted at the top and loose throughout the legs, they are a dark heather grey, have a cute turquoise drawstring and are fabulous.

and the closest thing i'll be doing to yoga in them is stretching out comfortably in my bed.

speaking of which, i'm currently reading the book belle de jour. based on this blog. course the book was published in 2005, so it'd be tough for me to pick up reading the blog now, but maybe after i finish the second book and when i've got a free afternoon, i'll catch myself up. it's strangely enjoyable vicarious living.

and somehow related, i gave myself a french manicure yesterday. i figured if i was going to make a good "first" impression, every little bit helps:

i had coffee and dinner tonight with a boy i met five years ago. he was an exchange student to brazil the year after i was to japan. having been an exchange student/abroad at all throws him into a catergory that is usually quite appealing to begin with and on top of that, so far he meets more requirements than most i've had dinner with.

-tall(er than me even when i was wearing 6cm heels)
-gorgeous smile (and decent teeth, a huge plus in japan)
-broad shoulders (usually relative, but he'd be "normal" in the US)
-speaks english well enough that we didn't have to speak japanese

that last one usually knocks out quite a few. while i tend to think, 'hey, we're in japan, we should speak japanese,' i am equally impressed with a guy who can joke around as well as hold an intelligent conversation with me in my native language. yes...he'll get a name if we go out again.

but for now, this non-yogi yogi is headed to bed in comfort AND style. 'night.

just another saturday night

i went out to dinner with some friends this past weekend. Bee, Style and i were in the same japanese class when we all studied abroad to a university in tokyo over two years ago. now we're all back in tokyo, all doing different things, but we get together once every month or so for food, drink and general merriment, with a splash of Bee's sarcasm and Style always brings fashion sense.

Bee said he was bringing this girl he met recently, Wind. he said she is one of the most interesting japanese girls he's met, so i was sort of excited to go. (a side note: i tend to "not get" typical japanese girls, to make a completely unfair, broad, sweeping statement) at first it was the 4 of us and Wind is definitely a cool girl. she used to be a gyaru (scroll down and see Yamaba). she's tamed down a little bit, but you can still see the little bit of party rebel girl in her. she's modeled for Vivi magazine. she used to be a poster girl for a beer company too. her english is excellent. and now she's pursuing her true passion, physics, at sophia university (read: good school) in tokyo. yes, one of the most interesting japanese girls i've met too.

Wind's friend, Nana, joined us later. Bee had told me Nana was going to come and that, oh by the way, she's a japanese pop star.

what?!

she showed up near the end of dinner by cab, having already eaten at a dinner meeting. now, unless the trains aren't actually running (between 12:30 and 5:00am) i don't think there's any reason to take a cab in tokyo. the train and subway system is amazing and the roads are jam packed it's not worth paying to sit in traffic. while you might have to do a little bit of walking, there's almost always a station near where you want to go. but, she doesn't like the train, so she takes cabs. everywhere.

anyway, she released her debut in may and her video's been on mtv and she's got another single coming out next month. after dinner we decided to go to karaoke, (because who doesn't want to try singing after the pop star??) where we met up with two more of Bee's recently made friends. it just a casual group of friends going out to dinner followed by a couple hours of karaoke.

and then Nana sang her debut single.

unreal.

do you speak russian?

yesterday, i was standing in one of the bigger train stations in tokyo, waiting for a friend, when a japanese women approached me. she asked, in perfect english, "excuse me, do you speak russian?"

i was a bit taken aback at first, but i smiled politely and said, "no, i'm sorry..." she asked, "only english?" and i said, "yes, sorry!" and she thanked me and went on her way.

this interaction was different than the stereotypical "random japanese person said HELLO! to me on the street" in that she spoke with hardly an accent AND while she assumed i spoke english, she also didn't assume i was american.

and it was so refreshing.

while the majority of "white" foreigners in japan probably ARE english teachers, it drives me crazy that it's assumed i am definitely american. granted i am, but there are SO many other nationalities here that sometimes it feels narrowminded for japanese people to assume that every white foreigner is american. in fact, i'm the only american teacher at my school. i work with 2 brits and a candian.

and my other foreign friends?

2 americans, 2 australians, 2 canadians, and a brit.

and while maybe my group of friends isn't a good example, because all but one of us are english teachers, there are people who are not english teachers or even speak english as their first language. maybe it's anal or oversensitive of me, but we are in japan. how about a little "konnichiwa" if you really want to make friends with a foreigner? it seems to be a common desire among young japanese: "i want to make foreigner friends!!" but just as every japanese person can say "hello," every foreigner in japan can at LEAST say "konnichiwa." after that, assess the situation and if you decide to speak english, fine.

(though, i speak japanese will all of my japanese friends. again, folks, we're IN JAPAN. and for the most part, i speak japanese better than they speak english, so...)

anyway, this japanese woman got up some serious courage to randomly talk to me (keep in mind people don't talk to the person next to them on the train. talking to strangers isn't something japanese people, on the whole at least, are practiced at or encouraged to do, so it takes a certain amount of courage to put themselves out there) and it was a very refreshing experience. she reminded me that not everyone thinks every white person in japan is an american english teacher.

while i am, it was nice to be thought of as something else.

classifieds

a few treasures from the classifieds of the august 24th issue of metropolis magazine.


Being honest with you. At-
tractive, fun, clean, SBM mid 30s
in Yokohama looking for sex
friend/casual relationship. Must
be attractive and clean. Email
w/photo. Serious only. Married
ok. (nihongoOKdesu. ohenjiwo!)

married ok?! ...and his email translates to "hot black man."


Married American man, early
40s, looking for a discreet com-
panionship with a sensual, edu-
cated and well-built girl/woman
for occasional romantic encoun-
ters.

sir, you are MARRIED! shame on you. and anyone who replies!


Beauty is outside. I know it sounds
silly, but I look first, then talk. If you
are really beautiful and very smart, I
want to know you. Meet for coffee?

at least you know from the start that he's only judging you on looks...


Cool and handsome SWM seeks
cute, sexy JF, in Tokyo or Chiba. I
have nice blue eyes and speak some
nihongo, so let's enjoy exciting
times in bed. Email w/photo.

because nice blue eyes and some japanese = exciting times in bed


Foreign beauty sought by Italian
man, in Tokyo, who's tired of silly
Japanese women. Nice, good-
looking gaijin woman sought to
spend good times with, for long-
lasting relationship. Any nationality
ok.

while not any less biased than people wanting japanese girlfriends, it WAS a nice surprise.


Hot and passionate American,
honest, healthy and open-minded,
older, seeks a passionate lady friend
for the beach, izakaya, talking,
sushi and sochu. Not typical.

nope, not like ANY of the other "hot and passionate" guys in the classifieds...



Nice Canadian businessman, 30,
tall, green eyes, sweet, athletic,
funny and understanding, seeks
Japanese girlfriend, 20-40. She must
be nice and honest. Busty prefered.

busty japanese? you know it's not really in their genes...



Waiting for you. American
professional, mid-30s, seeks
intelligent and fun single female for
ongoing casual relationship. Friends
first, no pressure. Good kissers
preferred. Located in central Tokyo.
nihongodemo ok.

does anyone read that and think, "oh, i'm a good kisser, i'll reply"...?



American? Cute, adorable
and sophisticated SJF, 33, with
proportioned body and a baby
face, seeks conventional but bright
and humorous since American,
30s, living in Tokyo, for long-term
relationship.

some are better proportioned than others, but aren't we all "proportioned"?



Sincere and healthy SJF seeks
sincere and healthy SWM. If you like
movies and sports, we have good
talks together. Besides, if you are
intelligent with short hair, I must like
you.

might want to double check the usage of "must" in your middle school english textbook.

happy one year

today is my one year "anniversary" of coming to japan to work.

i feel like i should have some deep, or at least well thought out, post to commemorate this momentous occasion, but alas, i do not.

i just thought it should be written down somewhere.

i'll make sure to inform my date tonight. ;)

ABC jetlag fun

i'm up with jetlag. i heard once that it's a day for every hour. that's almost two weeks (13 days) that i just don't have before starting work september 1st. (yes, that's a saturday, welcome back to japan)

so, i entertain myself (and maybe you):


A - Available or Single? umm, yeah...both.

B - Best Friend? i'll call her r, she lives half way across the world.

C - Cake or Pie? as much as i like cake, i can't handle the frosting.

D - Drink of Choice? water.

E - Essential Item(s)? cell phone, cash, camera.

F - Favorite Color? blue.

G - Gummi Bears or worms? gummi bears OR *sour* gummi worms.

H - Hometown? originally? rural ohio. currently? tokyo.

I - Indulgence? spending money, sleeping in, english (ha).

J - January or February? february, by elimination of january.

K - Kids? maybe someday.

L - Life is incomplete without… still trying to figure this one out.

M - Marriage Date: maybe someday.

N - Number of Siblings: two brothers.

O - Apples or oranges? crunchy apples.

P - Phobias/Fears: bugs inside and abandonment.

Q - Favorite Quote: the most wasted of days is one without laughter.

R - Reasons to Smile? i'm hanging out with Chelsea today.

S - Season? spring

T - Tag Three: no thanks.

U - Unknown Fact About Me: i was born in alaska.

V - Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? oppressor.

W - Worst habits? not paying my bills on time, biting my fingernails.

X - X-rays or Ultrasounds? never had one, but i'll pass on radiation.

Y - Your Favorite Foods: coco-wheats.

Z - Zodiac: pisces.

hair drama

i just got my hair cut. and i might be regretting it. i can't decide. see, i have a love-hate relationship with my hair.

growing up, when i wasn't old enough to actually take care of my own hair, my mom cut it super short. she told me when i could take care of it, then i could grow it out. as if the end of elementary school and middle school weren't awkward enough, i went from short to permed to scraggly long to cute bob to short in a matter of 4 years. i vowed i'd never cut it that short again. (i should've learned from the years of being mistaken as a boy growing up).

living in japan, i avoid the hair salons because i've had too many cuts that just weren't worth it. until coming home last month, i hadn't had my hair cut since march. i got it trimmed and made another appointment, albeit not even 4 weeks later, to get it cut again before leaving for japan (which i will be doing tomorrow!)

my hair has a natural wave, which, one good days, borders on being "curly" and on bad days, just looks blah. i went in today completely undecided about what to do. on top of that, i was having a new person cut my hair. i like it long, and in fact loved the way it looks in last week's "family photo shoot" to get that ever-coveted perfect family christmas card photo. i cropped one of the photos and put it up as my new facebook profile photo (which hadn't been changed in over a year...) and got tons of compliments. talk about flattered. wow.

one of the girls said my hair looked great and i shouldn't go changing a thing. i got that message a few minutes ago, back from the hair dressers. sigh.

okay, reality check: my new haircut is cute. it is. and it's fun. it's a little short (just past my chin-ish?), but japan is hot, so long hair will just get pulled back everyday anyway, right? and it's been straightened, so a wash and some product could make it curly and even more fun.

but i still look at the photo on facebook and the response and wonder if maybe i shouldn't have changed a thing...

friend drama

last fall, i met a girl who was student teaching at the school. after i finally approached her and said hi, we seemed to be quick friends and i wanted to be part of her friends-circle. we both frequently write journal entries on mixi (japanese social networking site, like myspace or facebook might be) and i left a comment on one of her entries the other day and she responded to my comment. this was my emotional response (kept to myself, and now you):

"you don't know i'm in ohio. you don't leave comments or even stop by for that matter. you've got more friends than you can keep track of surely. so i regret being so nice. i regret falling hook line and sinker when you fished for someone to say they liked you. i tried to make a joke, which i actually think was half funny, and you just shrugged it off after saying, "oh, you're not in japan?" and i wonder why i try. i shouldn't waste my time on people who don't care enough to reciprocate, but i only have so many friends; i can't afford not to make some kind of effort on the ones i actually have. if you only knew what a luxury it was to have too many blogs to read and not being able to comment on all of them. sadly, mine is never one you read or even seem to acknowledge. i know my japanese isn't great, and maybe i don't write like everyone else, but i'm trying. so, i don't know whether to just give up, or to comment twice as much until you give me the time of day."

and then today, i found myself on the other end. i get the sense the other party wants to hang out so much and i just can't be bothered. we were friends in high school. sort of. i mean, as much weight as the word "friend" had for me in high school. i was never part of the "in crowd" or the "cool kids" or the "pretty girls" (and in hindsight, i ended all the much better for it) but now i've got this old friend sending me messages that come across as blunt, cold and a tad too unfriendly to warrant a quick response. earlier this week, i responded and asked what her plans were for next week and she promptly responded with her schedule, which is fairly open and flexible. i hadn't responded yet (i think that was 2 days ago?) and she has now sent me another message that seems to insinuate that i haven't done my friend duty by responding right away and picking a day time and place to get together. it's tough. i feel like i am trapped in high school again. the "who invited who but not who to what party or what event, who went with who, and how come you didn't call last night or say hi to me in the hallway when you walked by this morning, are you ignoring me?" drama.

i hate drama. i carry enough drama around for one thanks. i try not to, but i tend to be emotional, which maybe is mistaken for drama...or at least i mistake it for my own drama.

anyway, i grew up in rural ohio. i went to the only middle school and the only high school in the town. everyone knew everyone and everyone else's business too. people i had never heard of before knew who i was and my parents always threatened that the city had eyes; if we ever did anything bad, they'd find out from a little bird eventually. as a kid, i hated it. looking back on it now, it was a great place to grow up.

it's also a great place to leave. rural ohio has limitations. granted this comes from someone who doesn't consider herself a homebody, and maybe for those that do, it's a great place to stay. but having had the opportunities to go places and see things and learn so much and see so much of the world, i don't know how to see it from the other angle. i see compromise and settling. settling for whatever comes along instead of going out and trying to get what might end up being unattainable. but how can you not try? how can you not wonder what could be if you left home and had some adventure?

facebook has privied me to some mere glimpses of people who never left. one's married with kids. yes, that's plural. i can easily list another half dozen that are married and still in the area. one of them is trying to hang out with me this week. this may seem like i am anti my hometown, or anti marriage, or anti being happy where you are, and maybe there's a bit of marriage cynicism coming out, but part of me does wonder if maybe i'm missing some part of the simple notion of finding someone you love and deciding it doesn't matter where you are, as long as you're together. maybe rural ohio is just right for some people. maybe i should be giving them kudos for doing as well as they have with what they had (rural ohio does have its limitations afterall).

but my bigger fear is that i believe i'm somehow better than them for leaving. and how do i let go of my ego long enough hang out for, and enjoy, an evening with a girl i once thought i was friends with.

dress up

i've given into the leggings trend. today, i decided that i wasn't going to be able to beat the heat in pants and that a mini skirt alone would leave the mystery bruise from two weeks ago exposed (not to mention more skin than is "average") so i, ever so fashionably, paired my jean mini with opaque brown leggings and a polo shirt that has a little bit of a "girly" touch on the sleeves.

now, let's clear one thing up: i'm not a skirt person.

i've worn a skirt to work three times in the last year. outside of work, i've worn a dress twice and a skirt maybe two or three times. i want to be a skirt person, but somehow i just can't bring myself to it. so in today's outfit, i was actually feeling on the, gasp, cute side. plus i did my makeup and hair, thinking it was pretty "done up" for me though no outfit is complete with my trusty converse sneakers. nonetheless, i was feeling like i actually tried, and that i had even maybe succeeded.

i had lunch with a good friend who was an exchange student to my college last year and she told me i looked cute. i was undoubtedly blushing but beaming, if only on the inside.

later that day, i had dinner with a guy friend from my university here. afterward we walked to his apartment and ended up watching a movie. i consider us friends, but there's always this awkward sexual tension vibe i get from him. like he wants me but he just can't say it or something. and i'm not interested like that, so i just let it slide. but as he walked me back to the main street he said to me, "don't you ever dress up?" (*translation of "oshare shinai no?").

ouch.

i said not to say stuff like that and he said, why? because it's like telling me that the me i am is somehow not dressy enough. not trendy enough. not...enough. my greatest fear somehow even translates through japanese, through fashion. even fashion. sigh. he tried to backtrack and said it wasn't that i wasn't fine the way i was, but! wouldn't it be nice if i dressed up a little more? and i just wanted to cry.

of course on the flip side, is a true friend not someone who can say these things to you? should i not be thankful that maybe he notices? should i not want to give up altogether since i actually tried today?

is my "trying" is just not enough? but this is me. and if you don't or can't love the me i am, then i don't need you. no?

oh, i want to be so strong, but no, i am just a good actor.

summer vacation

the last day of school. the day students look forward to all year. the beginning of freedom. going on vacation, to the pool, playing with friends, staying out late because it's lighter later, catching lightning bugs in the backyard...

that day was today. this morning we had the "closing ceremony" for the first term of school.

what, first term? you say?

that's right. in japan, the school year starts in april. and ends in march. aka year round school. we have three terms: april-july, september-december, january-march. that means that summer vacation falls between the first and second term.

the japanese school system has a completely different understanding of the word "vacation." the students have summer classes for the first and last week of summer vacation and they have club activities like sports practices/games, band practice/competitions, etc. nonstop.

when do they play? when do they spend an evening with their family, not burdened by the idea that they have homework to finish? when do they get to be kids?

i'm merely just a big kid because i am taking my full summer vacation: starting today. ending when the "opening ceremony" happens on september 1st. i'm going home. and i'm going to act just like i did when i was in middle school: sleeping in, going to the pool, eating fresh fruit and vegetables, spending time outside, eating dinner on the patio with my family, etc.

...and i'll probably spend more than one night out in the backyard, chasing after lightnings bugs.

grades

as a student, i was always (often anally) aware of my current grade. i knew how much of my grade was determined by homework scores, test scores, class attendance and participation, and all the other variables each teacher used to calculate grades. it was cut and dry. if i got x number of points on my tests and x number of points on my homework, etc. etc. then i could general figure out what i needed on the final, to get an A, or a B, in that particular class.

welcome to japan. where grade inflation and subjective assessment run rampant. on a semester final, where the average score is 75%, a student who got a 46% should not get a B in the class. i don’t have the student in class, but as i am the english conversation teacher that can communicate with non english speaking teachers, i get the “blame:” the student’s teacher asked me today why he had a C in the class. he compared this student’s grade with those in other classes and said the student should have a B. or, “i want you to give him a B.” The teacher said that although the student may sleep in class, he isn’t a “disruption” and therefore shouldn’t be “punished” as such.

however, i believe grades are neither punishment nor reward. grades are not given. grades are an evaluation of a student’s effort and ability. grades are earned. by the student themselves. if a student sleeps in a class which is based largely on in-class participation (english conversation) and does poorly on the test, both on the listening and the reading/writing sections, how does “giving” him a B benefit anyone? it sends him the message that he can continue his current pattern, and still get a B.

i understand this is a private school, and as such, the students are “customers” and the school wants to “brag” that they don’t have any C students. but the system is doing a huge disservice to the student. to inflate his grade gives him a false sense that he’s performing adequately. he isn’t. thus, a C.

the grading scale has been presented to us (a particular group of classes: special english, special japanese and special math) on a 3 step scale. A, B and C. normal japanese classes are on a 10 point scale, with 10 being the highest. here, again, they don’t give fives, even when a five has been earned. they cushion the students at the bottom. still, it’s clear that a nine or 10 is doing excellent in class and that a six or seven needs improvement. an eight is average. if the average of a class is around eight, it’s usually smiled upon. so, teachers weight grades and rescale the scores so that they end up with something close to an average of eight.

how then, are the specialized classes supposed to handle grades with only three grade options? additionally, we’ve been told not to give Cs. how do we distinguish between those students who are performing on an average level, and those performing below average? are they implying that we should be giving mostly As and saving those “lowly” Bs for those students not performing? am i being too stingy with As? by giving “average” students As, it discredits those students who really are doing A work.

they want english conversation to been seen as a “legit” class, but they aren’t allowing us to give legit grades. it’s sugar coating the reality and only hurting the students. and i’m stuck giving Bs to students who don’t even really do C work. it’s a crime.

doing nothing being everything

sometimes when too much time has passed, it just seems impossible to catch up on everything that has happened. but lately i've wanted to pick this back up. and maybe over time, the stories i have will come out.

today is the last day of my three day weekend, all thanks to "umi no hi" (Marine Day or Ocean Day). on such a day, it would seem appropriate to actually GO to the ocean. but i didn't. instead, i consoled my friend. Chelsea's friend Rose, from home, has been visiting for the last two weeks. Chelsea took her to the airport this morning.

i was woken by a text message, "hate goodbyes! makes me want2 leave2 :,( why i am in this country again?"

eventually the text conversation ended in deciding she would come over to my place. my apartment was a mess, so i cleaned the toilet, the shower, the sink, and tried to tidy up at least a little bit before she came over. even after she came over, i kept cleaning. she doesn't have internet access at home, so i let her use my computer: email, facebook, even a couple episodes of the O.C. it was highly productive for me because she kept my computer occupied (aka no distraction for me), and she was surprised each time she turned around to see my cleaning progress. now i just have to clean my bedroom. maybe another day.

i cooked spaghetti and we watched another episode while eating. she did the dishes, which i was so grateful for, but i felt bad when she started crying. i know, all too well about needing to cry just to cry, but i still didn't know what to say and felt like i should have. but, i figured just letting her cry was better than trying to fill the silence with some awkward or unecessary words.

i lent her a book, and gave back one i borrowed from her, a chocolate bar left over from an unsuccessful mt fuji climb, a photo of her and a friend i took two years ago, and a bag i have but am not sure i like or not. i'll be leaving soon and will be gone for a month and she'll make much better use out of it than me.

we didn't do anything spectacular today, but i love these rare days when i can just "hang out" with a friend. even though we are each doing our own thing, in a way just being in each other's company and knowing that we don't have to fill every minute with conversation is so wonderful.

times like these make me wonder if i want to live with a housemate. most of the time i love living alone: having my own space and being on my own. but sometimes the lonely feeling after company leaves sits so heavy in my chest that it's just too much. like it will always be this way. like people will always go somewhere else, and at the end of the day, i'll be the one to lock the door, turn off the lights, and say goodnight to the empty air.

dry cleaning

5 pairs of pants
4 sweaters
3 button down shirts
1 blazer

2595 yen

(in ichinowari)

lecture series speech

the middle schoolers have a lecture series on the 4th saturday of every month. this month it was about rotary. in addition to a rotarian speaking about rotary, the 3 rotary exchange students also spoke. and, being a past rotary exchange student, i spoke at the end. here is my speech:

みなさん、こんにちは。

きんちょうしますね。

留学生の話しはどうでしたか？色々話してくれてよかったですね。自分の意見を外国語で言えるようになるのは難しいと思います。今、英検を向かっている生徒が何人もいて、英語で自分の意見を言うの難しさが分かると思います。では、私もこの３人と同じように、前にロータリーで共栄に留学しました。

あの時、日本語が全く分かりませんでした。日本についても、あまり知りませんでした。着物、寿司、はし、トヨタぐらいでした。だから、なぜ日本に行きたかったのでしょうか？これから、自分の経験について話したいと思います。

子どもの時４回留学生を受け入れたことがあります。その関係で自分が留学することに興味を持ちました。アメリカの中に色々なところに行けたんですが、世界がもっと広いって分かりました。自分の国も大事なんですが、今でも見えない世界があります。

高校を卒業したら留学しました。その時、ただ外国に行って、その国の人達や、言語や、文化などを知りたかったです。高校でフランス語をちょっと勉強したんですが、どこでもいいと思いました。みなさんはどうですか？ニュースとか、新聞とか、教科書にのてる国に興味ありませんか？英語を勉強して、使いたくならないんですか？

ダン君が言ったように、教科書にのてないところがたくさんあります。言葉になれない気持ちとか景色（けしき）とか、色々あります。実際に行って、経験することしかないんです。

じゃあ、みんなはロータリーで留学するべきって言っているんですか？いいえ、そのことないです。もちろん、ロータリーで行ってほしいんですけどね。ただ、興味を持っている人達、ぜひぜひ行ってみて下さい。ロータリーのプログラムが本当にいいと思いますが、色な留学するプログラムもあります。一年間じゃなくてもいいから、ちょっと考えてみて下さい。

今まで、聞いて「あ、留学に興味があるんだけど、こわい！」と思ってる人、何人もいると思います。その考えは当たり前です。こわいです。自分の家族と友達と離れて、全然知らない国に行くのはちょっとこわいです。しかも、こわいうちに絶対いいことも入っています。

ここに、共栄が受け入れている留学生について一点：彼らの立場からちょっと考えて下さい。自分が留学したら、周りはどんな人がいればいいですか？辛い時に「ね、今は辛いよ」って言えなければ、どうするんですか？聞いてくれる人がいたら、安心出来ますか？確かに、いつも留学生のこと考えられないけど、留学生としてはこういう問題あります。ひとりぼっち気持ち、自分が言いたいことが言えなくて、色々なストレスがあります。自分だったら、やってもらったらうれしいことを彼らにやってあげて下さい。先輩でも後輩でも変らないです。みんなは人間です。毎年新しい留学生が来るんですけど、一年間で終わっちゃう訳ないですよ。今、日本で私の一番いい友達は６年前のクラスの一人です。

６年前あのクラスに入った時、「こんにちは」も「私は○○です」も言えなかったんです。クラスの５０人の中の一人になりました。英語クラスでしたが、どんどん英語で話せることがなくなりました。人数が多くてもひとりぼっちとよく感じました。ということで、留学するのは簡単ではありません。「もういやだ」とか「帰りたい」とか「何でここまで来たの」と思ったこともありました。

なんですが、その考えはその瞬間（しゅんかん）の考えだけでした。「この状態はずっとつづけないんだろう」も思いました。留学中じゃなくても、皆さんも今の生活の中で凹む時、辛い時があると思います。その時、「これが変るよ。今日変らないかもしれないけど、明日でも、明後日でも、いつか変るから…」と思えばいいんじゃないですか？あきらめないで。

あの一年間で辛い時が多くても、日本が好きになりました。本当にいい経験でいました。いい友達も作りました。ロータリーのみなさん、共栄の先生達、クラスのみんな、ありがたい気持ちいっぱいです。

私は元々、家から離れても大丈夫ですが、 留学してから自分がもっと強くなりました。言葉になれないかもしれないんですが、なんとなく強くなりました。て言っても、まだ泣きやすい自分がいますね。すぐ笑うから、すぐ泣くかな？でも、泣くは弱いこと訳ないです。ただ、弱く感じます。留学中、何回も泣いてた記憶があります。「もう、自分が弱くて出来ない」と思いながら、あきらめたかった時もありました。

でも、弱く感じる時は周りにいる人達にたよって、自分の足で立てられるようになるまで頑張るしかないんですね。あの時、周りにいてくれたのは自分のクラスと共栄の先生達とホーストファミリーでした。彼らのおかげで強くなりました。でももう一つのげんいんもあります。それは何でしょうか？

自分です。

日本人は全体的にけんきょに自分のことをほめないんで、たまに、それはダメだと思います。自分が頑張ったところ、うまく出来たところ、ムシしないで下さい。自信を持って生きましょう。みなはもう強いですよ。感じられないかもしれないんですけど、人間はけっこう力持ちです。色々なことを経験してから力がもっともっと出て来ます。

留学した後、アメリカの大学に入って、日本語の勉強をつづきました。大学でまた日本に半年留学しました。その後、アメリカに戻って、卒業を向かったら、日本にまた戻りたい気持ちがありました。結局に共栄に戻れてうれしいです。

しかも、７年前、自分が日本で仕事しているそうぞう全くしなかったんです。留学する前、留学した後のことを全然考えなかったです。はっきりと言うと留学してから、人生が本当に変わりました。留学してから、私が歩いている道が変りました。

今まで６年間ぐらい日本語を勉強してきても、まだまだです。もっと知りたいです。でも、高校生に日本語で声かけると、「え？なんで日本語がそんなにうまいの？」と言われることがあります。「前共栄に留学して来たから」と答えます。それはウソじゃないんですが、「頑張って勉強したから」の方が当てますね。

その高校生に「じゃ、私はアメリカにいたら英語が話せるになるの？」って聞かれて、ここの答えが大事ですよ：「頑張れば」さらに、みんなはもう英語を勉強してますね。アメリカに行ったら、私が日本語が話せるになるまでの時間より、早く英語がうまく出来るはずです。基本的な部分はもう分かっていますから。

というところで、行かなくても話せるようになれます。頑張れば。共栄に外国人が何人もいますね。先生達４人、留学生先まで４人でした。８人ってすごいことですよ。８人の中で、何人ぐらいと話したことありますか？いいチャンスがありますよ。今度、話しかけてみて下さい。

留学と関係なくても、頑張ってほしいんですね。自分の道を探して、夢を持って、頑張って下さい。夢ないですか？何をめざせばいいかと思っている人：いま目の前になくてもチャンスが来ますよ。７年前の私はてきとうに生きてたんですが、いいチャンスがありました。留学をやってみたんです。そうしたら、自分の道が見つけたんです。だから、まだ夢がなくてもいいですよ。目を開けて、チャンスが来たら、絶対やってみて下さい。自分の人生が変るかもしれません。

clean sweep

i even scrubbed the toilet. woot.

i don't know if the apartment has been this clean since i moved in. it was long overdue for a cleaning but the arrival of my new mattress and the fact that my friend is coming over tomorrow for dinner were enough to really put the pressure on.

i could do well by a load or two of laundry here too. but the 43 minute wash cycle is just too long to start at this hour. i'm about to snuggle up on my new mattress. i can't be bothered with a load of laundry. maybe i can put it all in and start it first thing tomorrow morning. but i don't want to have laundry hanging up drying when my friend comes over though.

oh the dilemma. one that would be easily solved with a DRYER. oh for a dryer...ha.

yesterday i put (most of) everything away, gathered important papers and things and put them in a basket, threw away all those random flyers i had laying around, organized and dusted my book/tv shelf, vacuumed and today i organized my toiletry stand/shelf, did all the dishes, wiped the floors, scrubbed the sink area and the toilet...i was on a roll baby! ;)

so i've got work tomorrow 8:25am-2:00pm. but i don't have any classes on saturday (yes, apparently i still have to be there...) so i just sit at my desk and do whatever i want. lately i've been trying to read contemporary japanese literature. i've got a book that gives the phonetic reading of the japanese and, armed with my dictionary, i read a short piece by Mori Yoko today. tomorrow more of the same! i've already done prep for all but one of my classes next week so i'm golden.

then my friend is coming over at 5:00pm. we're going to go to the store and buy food for dinner and make dinner in my apartment. i'm looking forward to it. it's nice to have someone around sometimes. even if it's nothing special...just to chat and laugh and have a good time. so...tomorrow is looking like it's going to be a great day.

i've had quite a few of those lately. i am nothing but thankful.

dual trains of thought

i just cut my fingernails. typing is easy again. and yet, i can still click them on the table and it's more than just the pads of my fingers. i love the sound of fingernails pitter-pattering on tabletops. i think i love it because growing up i could never make it. and now i actually have to cut my fingernails! crazy.

i ate all the starburst i was going to give you. i wish i could have given them to you instead.

i had a mcdonald's mcflurry the other day, while being "subtly" ushered out by the song that it traditionally played at new years. apparently that's their way of saying, "hey we're closing, get the heck out of our restaurant!" we stayed til i finished anyway.

i've got too many names to keep them all straight.

i ran into some people giving free hugs on a street in shinjuku yesterday. they were merely products of the belief that all americans hug as a typical greeting. this is japan folks! and plus it brings me to alter a quote i saw the other day to "he who hugs everyone, hugs no one." sometimes the rampant stereotypes of americans drive me up the wall.

can i keep my eyes on the foreground until the background fades out of focus and is drawn back up into the rafters?

valentine's day is coming up. sigh. that's about all i have to say about that. girls give chocolate to boys on valentine's day. and the boys get the chance to reciprocate on white day, march 14th. i don't know how i feel about the whole thing. it's almost more commericialized than the u.s. ..or, it is more. ?

or maybe it's just that i wish i could see you on valentine's day.

i got two letters today. one from my mom and one from a friend at school. sometimes it's depressing to come home to pizza and sushi delivery service flyers. but today was different. in so many ways. then i also got a bonus from work, for working overtime on the 6 entrance exam days. that new mattress is as good as mine. a good night sleep is just a fraction of my bonus away. mornings are about to get exponentially better.

but you'll never be there to say goodmorning before i even open my eyes or kiss me in the doorway on the way out. so, goodbye?

this is a big mess, but that's what we're working with here. early to bed...goodnight.