delayed

i wish i was more on top of things lately...

i wanted to make something for my coworkers for valentine's day...but i didn't.
i wanted to make something frog-themed for today, leap day...but i didn't.

i'm always about a day late to thinking about these things...

social media are like men

i vaguely remember reading a similar sentiment on a blog in my google reader somewhere, but i didn't realize just how true it was until i actually experienced it:

all this in-your-face social media is really great for keeping in touch with friends, family, old school buddies, etc. (especially living abroad) but it also makes you painfully aware when you are being faded out or weren't included in something you maybe thought you'd be included in or given the "limited profile" from someone.

i haven't written much about anything other than my breakup/blowup of my life in the last 2 months (sorry, i hate seeming like such a debbie downer) but back in december, one of my old friends left japan. (i first wrote "good friends", but i guess in hindsight i thought we were better friends than we were) his job took him back to the states, where he's struggling to find his footing. understandable after 6+ years in japan.

but, he came back for the tokyo marathon this weekend. i had to work yesterday (see: 9:30am to 8:00pm ><) so i wouldn't have been able to make it out to cheer him on, but last night i saw a photo of him and a bunch of his "other" friends after the race. i don't know why it hurt like it did. he was really good at compartmentalizing his friends (like any good japanese person would do) and i didn't really meet any of his "other" friends until his farewell party, so i guess it's fair that they didn't include me on their efforts to go cheer him on.

regardless, it stung for some reason. like he's back in tokyo, and i thought we were on the same, "yeah, let's get a drink when you're back in town" page, but i guess not. and this is where facebook makes the slow fade out of friendships so much more in your face and painful than if you just slowly lost touch over time and distance.

and then, this morning, he messages me on gchat and asks if i changed my phone number because he tried calling and texting but it said my number was no longer in service. and while i posted "finally got a new phone number. inquire within." on facebook when i got the new number, i guess it's presumptuous to assume he saw it? either way, feel sort of stupid for getting upset about not being included, since i didn't exactly keep him included on my new contact info. so i replied right away and said i did change my number and apologized, saying i haven't sent out a "here's my new info email" yet, but he hasn't replied. the totally insecure side of me can't help but thinking, "oh, he's got so many other people he's chatting with that he can't be bothered to reply to me." (← seriously, me?! yeah, that's just a little snip-it of my ridiculous inner critic)

ugh, damn social networking makes life so much more emotionally draining. and then i wonder if maybe i should just quit, but that's a crazy idea, too. kinda like men - can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

hi.

i have so much to post about and yet nothing sounds good.  or, reads well? it's just gonna be whatever comes out...

i could write about how i paid 10,000 plus 5,800 delivery fee for a fridge that won't get cold. and to add injury to insult, i checked craigslist a couple days later and someone else was selling the exact same fridge for 5,000.  like buying clothes at full price only for them to go on sale a week later. except in my case, you can't even WEAR your new clothes because they have holes in them! hmph.

so now i'm debating paying another 8,800 to have our old fridge delivered to my new place. but i still am left with a fridge that has something wrong with it.  either way, i think i'm out the original 15,800 i paid, so now i have to basically GUESS which choice from here on out is going to cost me the least.  tentatively the panasonic people are going to come on monday (another 3,000some yen there, too) to look at it, but any replacement parts will set me back even more.  sigh.  Ro is meeting with the realtor tomorrow or sunday to hand back the keys, so i kinda gotta make a decision soon...

not having a fridge gives you very little motivation to grocery shop or cook anything. i've been living out of the conbini for almost 2 weeks.  well, and eating out of course. and i DID find RF1 in mizonokuchi where they sell my favorite 30thing salad. it's going to be a regular purchase i fear.

one thing i cannot find is a resona bank atm. none near work, none in mizonokuchi and none near my station.  i can't justify paying 100-210yen (withdrawal fees at the conbini) every time i need cash. damn resona and your bizarre lack of atms. what bank do people use?  i was thinking i could set up another account somewhere more accessible and then every couple months transfer money into that from my main account. but then i thought, THAT'S still gonna cost me 100yen to transfer the money each time, and keeping track of 2 accounts might just be more than my little head can handle.

work is quickly approaching the beginning of the spring schedule. unfortunately, we are [still] short staffed, and we're probably going to see a lot of customers leave [to go onto other things] with the change of the school year, so it will be interesting to see what happens.  i think i'm going to get two [brand new] morning classes to make into full, well attended classes. it's an early time slot that i'm nervous they will just gawk at, but i'm also pretty optimistic.  it means earlier mornings, and longer days, but my wallet isn't complaining. ;)

it was so nice out this evening on my way home from work. i was still all bundled up, but it hit me that i didn't need to put my hands in my pockets to stay warm.  spring is a few weeks away, hopefully. speaking of which, i was riding my bike back from city hall on monday (address change on alien registration card, check!) and rode along the tama river, hoping to find a good place to have a picnic (or, multiple picnics) this spring and summer, but i was mostly disappointed. maybe when the grass comes alive again, it will look different and there will be some picnicking spots...?

i haven't seen my picnic quilt emerge yet...wonder where it's packed away.  i finally spent some time in my sewing room tonight and unpacked about eight boxes of books and fabric and miscellaneous "office" things.  currently, my mattress is just on the floor in my bedroom, so i put the bed frame pieces in the closet and moved my desk in, too (i had to take the legs off to get it through the door!) so it's looking more like a craft room.  now i just have to find my crafty motivation (probably hiding out with my blogging motivation) and get sewing!

think i will take another bath tonight. while i love onsens, i have never been able to relax in the bath at home.  i always get antsy after about 5 minutes.  if only i could turn my brain off.  yeah, if that's isn't the story of my life!?

things i love thursday

.internet at home :).
.cashiers giving me a long straw with my 1L apple juice.
.whoa-what-a-small-world moments.
.rooms coming together slowly.
.dinner with old friends (and she's in love!♥).
.any amount of hibiscus in a hot tea.
.spring is soon.
.finding RF1 in mizonokuchi for some 30thing salad.
.cookies and cream poptarts.

currently open tabs

☆ gmail
☆ google reader
☆ this gorgeous quilt
☆ these 10 tips (on bedroom decorating and finding love)
☆ how to build a wooden platform (for my future front stoop!)
☆ taylor swift on you tube (on autoplay)
☆ you're all my favourites (on amazon, i love this book)
☆ facebook


a good mix of me i think. :)

things i love thursday

.coco wheats on sick days.
.being unreachable (no phone).
.honey mustard pringles.
.attentative boys.
.a non "valentine" (but nice) dinner on v-day.
.my new kitchen(!!!!!).
.robitussin dm.
.orange (dark coral?) skinny cords with boots.
.it's friday, my day off. :)

moved.

i am here. in my new place. me and my dozens of boxes.

i don't think it's hit me yet. that it's me, myself and i now.

i made my bed and unpacked the kitchen and tried to arrange the living room around the unopened boxes. it doesn't look "right" so may try something else. later.

much more to do, but must go to bed.

work tomorrow and battling some cold or allergy or other stuffy nose, watery eyes, sore throat monster.

goodnight...

quote of the day

"...just because you're not always skipping through tulips with joy doesn't mean that something's wrong with you. "

-the Universe


p.s. this captures my entire college struggle experience in less than 20 words.

lunch break curiousities 2

i've eaten a bag of haribo gummy bears every day at work for about a week (today included). is this actually a problem?

saturday= national holiday = day OFF = why didn't i make plans to actually DO something FUN like GO SOMEWHERE?

should i hang a curtain between my kitchen and living room and if so, what color?

does any one of my soon to be neighbors have a big ladder so i can hang stain glass stars in my really high window?

does american allergy medicine do ANYthing against crazy japanese pollen? (sigh...it's only february but i'm already feelin' it...)

will the kids in my next class behave better than yesterday's? it might be a long hour if it's an encore of yesterday...

things i love thursday

.pizza and beer.
.sunny winter days.
.umeshu soda, with homemade umeshu.
.more gummy bears.
.kaki no tane crunch.
.being silly and making "my" kids laugh.
.rain boots.
.nyquil (and other american drugs).
.moving on monday(!!!).

quote of the day

"Get out, get out, get out even more! Because there are people you've yet to meet, laughs you've yet to share, stories you've yet to live, and riches you've yet to tap into, that will not find you under any other circumstances."

-the Universe

moving : part 1

i finally started packing
my stuff into boxes today.
oh i have so much stuff.

just books and files and
fabric and sewing stuff
and i already have about
six or seven boxes.  !!!?

there are still loose end things on my desk
but i think that will all fit in one box.
and then the office will be done.

then we'll move onto
○ the bathroom and medicine cabinet (how many lotions does a person really need?)
○ the spare closet (storage for miscellaneous bigger things)
○ the bedroom closet (storage for off season clothes and other things)
○ the kitchen (dishes and dry goods)

um, yeah, i think i'm gonna need some more boxes...

every morning

every morning it's the same. i shuffle into the kitchen, put the hot water kettle back on it's base (can't seem to put it back, eh R?) and turn it on, put bread in the toaster, and sit down at the counter. R goes into the bathroom, shaves and puts his contacts in. as i'm enjoying my solitary (read: QUIET and PEACEFUL) breakfast, he comes in, helps himself to hot water and sits down next to me. there are usually a few minutes of silence before he can't help it. he makes some snide remark or asks some snarky question that rehashes the fight from the night or day or week before.

this morning, i tried my best not to react. told him we talked about it yesterday and that it's obvious that i'm planning to do things when they fit in HIS schedule regardless of what works in mine. he got even more snappy (what more do you fucking want from me?!) and i got annoyed and absolutely appalled at his "*i* haven't done anything wrong" comment and i bit his bait. i got flustered said it was pretty incredible that he could say he hasn't done ANY wrong in this whole thing. he blamed moving in together on me (again), claimed he was just not doing things now because i used to not do them, so it's just a taste of my own medicine (okay fine, but he hasn't washed a dish, the shower or taken out the trash since i came back 2 weeks ago. or for the month before that, judging on the amount of trash and grime, so it's not like i haven't tried to make ammends) i grabbed all five bags of trash (since he just lets it sit on the balcony and the crows have gotten into it at least twice now) and walked out. i can't take it.

these mornings have to stop. i don't need or deserve fights and guilt trips every single morning. no matter how shitty what i did was, he's being a complete manipulating asshole. i jokingly say to my coworkers that it's like prison, but my guess is at least prison guards don't guilt trip even murders every day over breakfast. maybe they do, but i can't take it anymore. i'm getting up and leaving an hour earlier from now on.

things i love thursday

.gummy bears.
.no dishes in the sink.
.hirekatsu with tartar sauce.
.when my pasmo runs out exactly at zero.
.hot tea morning and night.
.knowing all the bull shit will be over soon.
.decorating (only in my mind so far).
.seeing mt fuji from the train.
.getting the cute cashier.