30 lines for the 30th

they say the first year is the hardest.
but i imagine not living together
takes away a lot of that "hard"
and adds a completely different kind of
"hard." patience has never been my forte.


i'm coming up on four years at my company.
and am seeing how far i've come by having to
"manage" five versions of three-years-ago me.
it's eye opening. and unsettling that *i*
can/have to make some of the decisions i am.


#5 and i just switched to the new iphone (5s).
new emoticons and a joint calendar between us
excite me more than they probably do for most.
but now i have to re-install and re-enter
all my apps and contacts. but is new and shiny!


the weather has been so perfect lately.
i can wear my hair down, hoodies and jeans!
last year for Bold Moves October, my dress code
was "元カレに会っても恥ずかしくない" but this year
BMO will be work oriented i'm thinking.


wedding planning has settled somewhat,
but still a couple of the "big things" left.
oscillate between wanting to elope and
wishing i had an unlimited budget to do it all.
just gotta keep chipping away at the to-do list.


i just remembered i made some kind of
to-do list for 2013. i never posted it
but it's written somewhere in the back
of a notebook. would be curious to see
how many i've done unconsciously so far.

things i love thursday

.when my dad signs emails "just being, Dad."
.salt water taffy.
.brushing my teeth with #5.
.polka dots that are actually hearts.
.being able to treat others to dinner.
."peach fruit mix juice" for breakfast.
.good hair days.
.fall weather.
.tiny earrings shaped like mt fuji.

dear #5

dear #5,

i just finished weeping like a baby to "Seven Videos of Old Couples That Will Make You Want To Fall in Love." each one left me thinking, i want to be that in love with you when i'm that old. i hope we still dance in the living room to christmas music (i also just re-read some old posts from elsewhere that reminded me of our first months together) and i can still call you "farty marty" and we'll laugh til we cry. the men who lost their wives were so heartbroken and it made my heart ache for them and for that day that will one day come.

i said goodbye to you on the station platform on sunday morning and was still excited to see you on your lunch break on monday. you were so sad sunday night on the phone and it made me so worried. i rearranged my schedule so we could get a big errand done (one step closer!) together, instead of putting it off for another week, or longer. after that, i sat in the waiting room of the clinic you work in and i watched you work. i fell in love with you all over again. you will be such a great dad.

i had to leave at the end of the night, like always. i'm getting so tired of leaving. i can't wait to be able to come home to you each night. just to start "us"...

love,
your girl.

things i love thursday

sunday is the new thursday, haven't you heard?



.excel spreadsheets.
.making wedding planning progress.
.burger lunch dates with girl friends on fridays.
.now and laters.
.tiger balm.
.becoming legal for another 3 years.
.the cooler weather.
.a lighter schedule from october.
.dr pepper is back at the 100lawson.

things i love thursday

as per usual, late. meh, whatever.



.red vines, sour patch kids, nerds.
.finding new breweries (tachikawa brewery).
.laughing so hard you cry.
.national holiday mondays.
.doing laundry with #5.
.accidental naps.
.kraft cheese singles.
.talking "our home" with #5.
.seeing (even faint) light at end of tunnel.

dear #5

dear #5 (you will always be #1 in my book),

tonight we skyped because you texted
saying you had some maybe big news.
it was about something exciting
that may or may not even happen for you work-wise.
i cried, but not because of the news itself.
i felt bad for crying (sorry i'm so selfish)
and you felt bad for making me cry.
you said some of the sweetest things to me
even though i'm sure i didn't look sweet.
i know we will make it work, whatever happens.
even if it means some not so nice situations
for some unknown periods of time.
even with all the uncertainty,
i hope you know that marrying you
is the farthest thing from uncertain i know.

love,
me

things i love thursday

.climbing mt fuji with my parents.
.finding an amazing get-away-ryokan in nagano.
.air conditioning.
.hair cuts.
.finding cute shorts that fit.
.old navy tank tops (love them).
.polka dot beer glasses.
.this big green plant i have (still thriving).
.#5, just because.

wordy wednesday

i knew it had been awhile since i'd even logged into blogger, but i didn't post ONE time in august? wow.

the month was a whirlwind. i just sat down to write tomorrow's things i love about thursday post and i had to actually take several minutes to remember everything that has happened in the month. it's been busy.


☆ my parents were here at the end of july through the first week of august. we climbed mt fuji, went to see the "snow" monkeys in nagano, i showed them where i work and the surrounding neighborhood, we had a welcome party for them, and then suddenly they were gone. i am always ready to go back to "my" life after things like this, but it was sad nonetheless.

☆ i went back to work on wednesday and proceeded to put in 9 to 11 hour days for the next week or so, until our week of obon vacation.

☆ during vacation, i went to the base with #5 to look into the paperwork and figure out where we even begin to start filing all things legal, which ended up being an entire afternoon. welcome to dealing with government offices.

☆ i also worked a day during that "vacation week" at our new site spending WAY too many hours finagling with excel sheets and time tables. but i actually kind of love that stuff.

☆ work got a face lift and new "toys" which changes the way we work, so i led meetings about that before "vacation" ended.

☆ i went to the US embassy (twice) and now have the system down pat. it's funny that it takes longer to get through the double security check than it does to actually DO what you are there to do. 15 minutes to get through security, 10 minutes for actual appointment. have a starbucks afterward for all your hardwork.

☆ we have 4 new teachers starting during august and september. making training schedules is my life at work now and it's one ginormous puzzle. i am easily working 8 hours and could work more, but usually just force myself to go home and pick up where i left off the next day. at least it makes the day go by fast.

☆ i made a trip to immigration (aka "the cattle call." ugh.) because my current 3 year visa is up this month. hopefully my postcard comes soon.

☆ i spent a lot of the rest of my time with #5 and friends, drinking good beer, eating good food and daydreaming about the future. i am simultaneously freaking out about how it will possibly work out logistically, too. we cannot wait to start our life together, but timing/our jobs and geographic factors are working very much against us. i wish i either a) didn't like my job and could walk away knowing i wouldn't miss it or b) didn't like my coworkers and wouldn't feel guilty about just walking away. but as it turns out, i love what i do and don't want to quit and i love my coworkers and have been screwed over way too many times by people who just walked away that i couldn't bear do that to my current coworkers. so yes, learning patience and good old japanese "gaman" everyday. for better or for worse. pun intended. ;)