things i'm doing at 3:23am

☆ reading this love story (oh my gosh i just can't keep myself from clicking the next chapter!), making me wish there were cowboys in japan.

☆ realizing this gore-tex sponsored mt. fuji photo contest deadline is tomorrow (today) and i don't even know if i have a photo that meets the requirements. (i didn't splurge on gore-tex gear until after mt. fuji this summer.)

☆ wishing i could justify/afford spin matsuri (not because i think it's over-priced, because i don't, but because i've now been unemployed for a full 6 months and i saw the number on my bank transaction slip today, which is a reality i'm facing) but thinking a camping trip with hoops and a bonfire and S'MORES!!!! may tide me over.

☆ worrying a teeny bit about my placement test tomorrow at 11am for my JLPT class (and thankful for parents who support furthering my education, in concrete financial ways).

☆ semi-brainstorming what i'm going to wear to part two of my interview for a job i've pretty much already decided not to take. but feeling good about applying for a handful of other jobs, even if nothing comes of it, because at least i did something. it's a start.

☆ rubbing my eyes because they hurt. (my mom would say, "...they're tired eyes").

☆ wondering why the hell i'm STILL up. actually, no, i know: i always fear if i go to sleep "i might miss something exciting!" despite experience telling me that nothing exciting happens at this hour of the night.

recipe: pork and cucumber kimchi salad

ingredients (serves two)

200g thinly sliced pork (shabu shabu pork)
100g kimchi
2 cucumbers
2 tablespoons sake
1 teaspoon salt

dressing
1 tablespoon seasame oil
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon sugar



1. boil 3 cups of water. add the sake and salt, then turn the heat to low. add the pork. once the meat changes color drain the water and run cold water over the meat to cool it down.

2. cut the cucumber into 3 or four pieces and then hit the pieces so they break into smaller bite sized pieces (a couple good whacks with the handle of a spatula and they crack open, then use your hands to break them apart completely)

3. cut the kimchi into bite sized pieces.

4. in a separate bowl, mix the dressing (seasame oil, soy sauce and sugar).

5. mix the meat, cucumber and kimchi in a bowl. then pour the dressing over top and mix.

6. crack open a beer, because you'll want it. i promise. it's the perfect combination.

friends, fighting and food

i introduced Ro to my friends (Bee, Style, Newbie, and a handful of others) yesterday. the conversation was mixed japanese and english and overall, things were going well. Ro has been sick lately but seemed to be feeling a bit better and was in a fairly good mood, and my friends didn't interrogate him like i feared they would.

though they did confirm his belief that i drink a lot. when he said he didn't have a high tolerance, they were shocked that *i* would be dating someone who couldn't drink as much as me. my japanese friends also spent a good 10 minutes being in awe that i finally HAD a boyfriend, which he laughed about. (i had already told my Bee, Style and Newbie - the american boys) Ro was a good sport about it all, really. we left the restaurant (okay, they pretty much kicked us out because we stayed WAY passed our 2 hour time limit) and went to a darts bar. they had about 16 different flavor Zima drinks, so we all ordered a different flavor and played two rounds of darts in teams. i pulled out several bulls-eyes half way through the second round, leading my team to victory.

all in all, i was happy that Ro seemed to get along with my friends and they seemed to approve. but then, on the way home he made some comment about something Bee said earlier in the evening. i don't remember how it happened, but at one point i was in bed stifling my sobs and he came over to console me. i started to say how i was frustrated because i thought the night went so well and he had to go and spoil it by being all jealous, and that led to a fight, and him blowing up and walking out. i was so angry; he gets hung up on the littlest comments.

(side note: we got in a fight over the phone two nights ago too. (yeah, i know...sigh.) it was mostly about the job, but a lot of other stuff got pulled into it too. in the end, i finally stood up for myself and said, "stop it. i'm tired of it always being MY fault. it's not always my fault, but you always make it out to be. i'm tired of you always starting fights and me just having to take it." and he said, "then fight back." and i said, "no, i don't WANT to fight back. two wrongs don't make a right. and i just don't want to fight..." we ended at some kind of understanding and i think he felt a little bad...but obviously not bad enough not to pick another fight the next night.)

while he was gone, i cleaned all the dishes, plugged his phone and ipod into their chargers, hung up his clothes, which were on the back of my desk chair (he was wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top when he left, don't worry, he's not wandering the streets of tokyo in his underwear!) and attempted to fix the key chain that was hanging on the pull string of my bedroom light. when he blew up and left my room, he pulled it really hard and it snapped (i got pissed and yelled "oi! don't break my stuff!!" he later apologized for it when he got back and saw me still trying to fix it.)

when he got back, i assumed he'd come to bed, so i got in bed only to have him sit on the couch and turn on the tv. so i got up and busied myself. eventually we ended up sitting together on the couch and talked, like ADULTS (imagine!). he apologized for making the comment on the train and realized he was out of line for even making it into a big deal. i pointed out that i finally fought back and all he did was blow up and leave. that it was unfair for him to expect me to sit and listen to him bitch me out but not give me the same courtesy. he apologized again and in the end we went to bed with his arm around me.

and then, because having a bipolar relationship is fun (yeah, right...) we had a wonderful day today. it was the perfect lazy sunday. we slept until 10, which was early considering we were up until 4am, but stayed in bed for a while. nothing like good make up sex. (oops, did i just type that out loud?? ;)) we got up and had black bean and vegetable soup (made the other day by yours truly) and toast. then we lounged around all day. in fact, i can't even remember what we did. around 4:30 we starting thinking about dinner and by 6:30 we finally got ourselves properly dressed and made our way to the grocery store.

dinner was DELICIOUS! we made two recipes from my new cookbook:

pork and cucumber kimchi salad

and
dijon mustard chicken cheese sauté, with green beans and rice
(i never put butter on my rice, but it looked lonely and i felt like it tonight)

usually when we're at my place, i do the cooking and he does the waiting/watching tv then we sit down and eat together. at his place...well, we eat out. haha.

anyway, tonight we made it together and didn't kill each other. we didn't fight or argue about how to cut the green beans or anything equally insignificant. we had ice cream for dessert (hello yuzu sorbet from 7-eleven, i love you!) and in our mini food-comas watched tv (we watched this show (clip from last year) that reminded me of american gladiators) there may have also been some extra dessert before i took him to the station and said goodbye.

just when i'm sick and tired of fighting, he comes back all sweet and wonderful and makes me fall for him all over again...

job opportunity with a catch

being unemployed has totally spoiled Ro and me alike. i can see him whenever i want (weekday sleepovers are not habit but happen) and he comes over on the weekends, but now that i'm looking at a job that doesn't always have saturdays and sundays off, he's being crabby.

"but when are we gonna see each other? when are we gonna go on dates?"

and when i acknowledged that he was being grumpy about me thinking about the job, he denied it and continued to be quiet and then said he was going to take a shower and go to bed, goodnight.

sigh.

does anyone out there work a job that's NOT monday to friday, and have a boyfriend with a M-F job? how do people make it work? is this why living together becomes a legit option?

i'm definitely not ready to give up my apartment and move in (with ANYone), not to mention we haven't been together *that* long, but i also don't know; when *would* we see each other? i'd get off work at 9pm on the weekdays, 8pm on saturdays and 6pm on sundays. and have tuesdays and one other day (which MAY fall on a weekend, but most likely would just be another weekday) off. do we just settle for dinner every sunday night? and the occasional weekday sleepover if i've got the next day off? i would get 20 paid holiday days a year, and the owner likes everyone to take them at a pace of 5 days every 3 months so they don't get burnt out.

it's totally unrealistic for me not to take the job only because of Ro, but it *does* get me thinking. could i do it? it's still 2 days off a week, but it does mean no national holidays like your average salaryman. no three day weekends or random holidays in the middle of the week. it means long days and getting home around 9:30 or 10pm. it means leaving the house at 9am, which is luxury compared to leaving at 7am when i was teaching, but is it worth it when it means no evenings?

it hard because jobs aren't exactly just waiting to be had right now. not to say that i've looked hard (because i haven't) but it seems almost stupid of me to turn down a decent job opportunity when it's there. or am i just too lazy to look for something else?

experience or advice?

anyone?

things i love thursday

.my finished charm quilt.
.garnier fructis style soft curl cream.
.afternoon naps with the boy.
.the beautiful weather lately.
.ice cream.
.home cooking.
.improv. quilting.
.kinokuniya.
.being home for christmas (leaving in 12 weeks).

outfit: interview in harajuku

wordless wednesday

othello tuesday

it would be tough to write a post today without mentioning silver week. yesterday was respect-for-the-aged day (thanks happy monday law, enacted in 2000.) and tomorrow is autumn equinox (seriously, i love a country that makes that a reason for a day off!) and then today? well, today is the othello of holidays. too bad silver week won't happen again until 2016.

my silver week has been fairly anti-climatic. though, i guess being unemployed does that to most holidays. i have been hearing of traffic jammed highways and overpriced airfare, but otherwise it just meant crowded trains, stores and restaurants on what would normally be a lazy tuesday afternoon.

i met up with Newbie for some shopping at kinokuniya (i love bookstores) and lunch. we also spent a fair chunk of time just standing in the rotary at shinjuku station people watching. fascinating things, people are.

i can spend hours in kinokuniya. today, my main reason for going was to get my application for the JLPT test in december. (yeah, ugh.) we spent a good couple hours there though, browsing the japanese study books, english magazines, a book with all those cat photos (i'll admit, some of them are pretty funny, especially when Newbie does the voices) and even ventured into the cooking section.

i bought this book: but my bigger purchase was a huge set of flashcards (903 to be exact) for all the kanji of level one of the JLPT. apparently i'm a huge nerd because i got so excited that i had to open the box at lunch "just to see what they look like!!" i was like a little kid at christmas. they were a little expensive, but are really nice and will save me hours of making my own. and mostly, well, i love flashcards.

finally finished!!

as i was reviewing my mini goals for september, i realized i had a couple big ones still unfinished. now that we're in the last half of the month, it's time to get on 'em. i also may or may not have been distracting myself from the disappointment of a great job opportunity that didn't work out.

and what better way to cheer yourself up than with fun colors and sewing?? and, seeing as i started it back in...oh, FEBRUARY...i thought maybe it was time i finished my charm quilt (for anyone who's interested: part one, two, three, four of the charm quilt progress).

(the color in this photo is misleading; it's actually a dark green)

i had a few more stars to quilt (yeah, why make it easy on yourself on your first quilt with simple LINES or something? let's go with various sized stars. yeah, great idea, right?? ha. right.) and then i started in on the binding.

not that i'd read that doing the binding was super difficult, but for some reason i built it up in my head to be a huge undertaking.

well, fear no more!

i used this three part binding tutorial over at the sometimes crafter. and i followed it to the letter (except some part about using glue when connecting the two raw edges of your binding. i managed to finagle it into working, but only because i like trying to figure that kind of stuff out when you can't understand why yours doesn't look like the pictures. but when she says leave 10inches open, DO IT.) it was super easy to understand and i recommend it to anyone.

after i finished the machine part, i spent the better chunk of my afternoon and evening parked on the couch with needle and thread and finally made that last stitch.


my charm quilt is officially (and finally) finished. yay!!

it's not completely picture perfect, so don't look too closely. i need to wash it to get rid of the lines i drew on the quilt top when quilting the 31 stars, too.

(finished size: 117cm x 91cm)

things i love thursday

.sand between your toes.
.sea glass.
.middle of nowhere cafes (and trying to find them).
.inner tubes in the ocean.
.holding hands.
.reliving vacation through photos.
.borrowing the boy's clothes.
.soup and the complimentary soup eating weather.
.bed head looking better than done hair.

two thorns and a rose

after getting home from the hospital today, i didn't want to move at all, so i laid down and fell asleep (naturally!) i woke up throughout the afternoon to 4 incoming text messages and a phone call. i went days last week with nothing, and the 3 hours i sleep on a random thursday afternoon and everyone's on their phones. weird. (of course i'm sure the number of texts you get is related to the number you send out, so i guess it's understandable - i didn't send any while in okinawa but have been contacting people left and right for this that and the other thing since getting back).


first things first, the hospital. after a week of being suspicious something was up, i finally made myself go to the doctor (the urologist, in case you're curious) after i woke up this morning with serious side/back pain and needing to go to the bathroom every (painful) 5 minutes. it was mild up until last night, when i was casually looking for an english speaking doctor in the area, but when i woke up this morning, i was willing to go anywhere as long as i could get in and get seen today. i worried about managing the whole thing in japanese, with a male doctor, but it went fine. i waited for quite a bit, but once my name was called, he didn't waste any time, asked me my symptoms, looked at my urine sample and said, "yep, you've got yourself one nice urinary tract infection." yes, he really used the word 立派 (rippa) to describe my uti. then he handed over a prescription for antibiotics and sent me on my way.

sigh.

it was my first experience in a japanese hospital (which is amazing since i've been to japan several times, 5 years in total and never been to the hospital. knock on wood it doesn't become a regular thing.) and i don't think that place would have been possible without SOME japanese knowledge. i got sent from desk to desk, with (the usual) paperwork to fill out. i got the name of the hospital off a list of "with english speaking staff" hospitals, but i can't imagine they've got an english speaker at check in, insurance, each individual medical department (orthopedics, ear/nose/throat, cardiac, etc etc) and not to mention the doctor on duty in that department that day. i was thankful i took my dictionary, but i only needed it for the paper work part.

oh, and they had this CRAZY rail system on the ceiling that constantly had boxes moving back and forth. the minute i walked in the front door there were tracks and boxes and annoucements over the loud speaker - total sensory overload. anyway, i sat in the waiting room watching the orthopedics department next door send out box after box. when they came back, the fancy rail moved to change the track and sent the contents right through the doorway and into the nurse's station. i giggled to myself wondering if they sent out pee in the boxes and what would happen when the box went from horizontal (in the nurse's station) to vertical (hanging from the ceiling and moving along the track). alas, they seem to do it right there in the urology department. makes sense, really.


and second, the phone call. yesterday, i called the vice principal of my old school because he was the go between with Mr. W, travel agent who offered me an interview when i got back from mt. fuji, to arrange a time to get together and chat about the possible job opportunity. Mr. VP called me back today, and while i feigned to be alert and awake, told me that one of the travel agent reps was at school today and he talked to them. with the whole swine flu scare and everything, the travel agent business (into japan, from japan, school trips, the whole kit and caboodle) is hurting BIG time right now. things are drastically different from what the situation was back in july when i was offered the interview. they've moved people around within the company and, from the sounds of it, even let some people go. so, it's not exactly like they're looking for new faces. i tried to put on a "brave face" and pretend it was no big deal, but after hanging up, i let out a few tears before falling right back to sleep.

double sigh.

on a good note, i went to the gynecologist yesterday. i went to a place with a female doctor who spoke english. she was professional (good english as well) and the appointment was quick and efficient and way less uncomfortable than people make it out to be. phew. at the end of the appointment, i said "thank you" in japanese and she looked really surprised and said, "wait a minute! you can speak japanese!?" and i laughed and mumbled some self-depreciating thing like, "uh, yeah, i can speak a bit. people are usually really surprised..." and she just sat there, completely shocked and said, "oh my gosh, you are totally fluent! why didn't you say so?! i'm so embarrassed!." and i said that if we had started off speaking japanese, it would have made it hard to go into speaking english, which she got. so she said, "alright, next time though, only japanese!" and i laughed and said, "no no, english PLEASE!" and made my way back into the waiting room to pay. as i was standing at the counter, i could hear her in the back telling the nurse, "oh my gosh, i'm so embarrassed!! her japanese was so good!"

always a confidence booster to genuinely impress people. :)

maybe i had a bit to get off my chest

i got an interesting email today.

when i quit my teaching job, it didn't mean i cut ties with the school completely. i still visit. i helped out with their summer english program for two weeks in july. i go out for dinner and drinks with my favorite coworkers.

when i quit, they contacted the agency that they normally use for native english speakers and hired a young woman from the US (originally from jamaica?). i met her once or twice and i see her when i visit, but since we never worked together or have any real "connection", it's never been more than polite small talk.

i hear from the coworkers i have dinner with now and then that she is doing alright teaching wise, but that she's having trouble knowing how to get along with a particular coworker. when i hear that, i just knowingly laugh, because i remember how difficult he was to work with (interestingly enough, i never ranted about him here, despite having PLENTY of material.) and i feel a slight pang of sympathy for her as well as feeling total relief from not having to deal with it anymore.

so, she emailed me today.

"...the problem is that I feel very uncomfortable with what he does (or should I say 'doesn't do') at school. Today he didn't come to work because of some emergency with his friend he claims, but there is a debate tournament today....Monday morning he was supposed to come in early to help out the students with the debate, but "forgot"-- so it doesn't even look like he tries or cares or takes work seriously. It's hard to feel sorry or even believe him if and when he says something "comes up".

The same thing happened last semester about the final exam...He waited and waited till the last minute...We scheduled a time where we would have sufficient time to edit and
then he said he wants to go home early to put his futon out. hahaha ...Why does the school tolerate this lax behavior? I wonder who I can speak to about this and how....?"

and it occurred to me just how much i easily forgave. how much i sucked it up when he didn't come into work and i (or the other native english teacher) covered for his classes. how much he irritated me with his complaining and excuses. how much his attitude drove me crazy. but how much i just did it all, essentially, for him. how much i let him get away with.

and i don't know why the school puts up with such lax behavior. he's been at the school for 10 years or so now, and despite seeing a handful of hardworking teachers (ahem) come in and also leave, the school hasn't done anything about his slacking. maybe they think the two are completely unrelated? maybe they don't know what to do either, but by ignoring it, it's only getting worse for the other native speakers and for the japanese teachers who are pretty inconvenienced by his computer/microwave usage, unwillingness to take on ANY responsibility or actually come through once in awhile and his overall unapproachable attitude.

he always says, "but i don't understand japanese..." well, it wouldn't hurt to TRY, punk! he can do the basics, but only when forced. in all other situations he claims he can't understand or chooses english, expecting someone will translate any important information to the right people. the teachers where i worked didn't go out during the week or even on fridays like the "typical" salaryman, but every couple months we'd go out for dinner and drinks, or after the sports festival or after seeing the kids off after a field trip, plus the school bonenkai, or the end of the school year party, all of which he declined or wiggled his way out of. the social scene might not be your thing, but news flash buddy: the bonenkai and end of the school year work parties aren't considered optional! suck it up and get your ass in gear. it wouldn't hurt to be a bit more friendly, to make small talk in the kitchenette (while you "bake" you bread for the first 10 minutes of the 35 minute lunch break and everyone waits for you, silently cursing themselves for getting in after you) or seem at least HALF interested in the other 20some people who you work with. they go out of their way for you, it wouldn't kill you to be a bit appreciative that they let you get away with doing as little as you do and still getting a bigger paycheck than them only because you've been there for 10 years, not because you work anywhere near as hard as them.

(wow i feel better now.)

and now i don't know what advice to give this girl. i feel bad that she's stuck in the same situation i was in (and with less japanese ability) and i don't want to see another person get so burnt out like i did. because i could speak japanese, a lot of the non english speaking teachers counted on me to translate for him or relay messages to him and the other native english teacher. in my naivety, i just accepted it as my lot. a lot of the time, i did things because i didn't want to count on someone and then get myself in a hole when they didn't come through or know what was going on. but it wears on you. it makes you wish YOU could call in sick and not feel guilty for bailing on your students and your coworkers.

i'm not sure my way of dealing with it (aka simply ignoring his laziness and i-don't-give-a-shit attitude as much as i could and just doing things myself) was all that healthy but at the same time, he doesn't care. he doesn't care if things don't work out. he doesn't get the "scolding" because he chooses not to speak japanese and pawns it off on someone who does. the one who can speak japanese gets the brunt of the scolding AND has to pass the message along to that someone who doesn't care. and then, if things do go badly and/or you get in "trouble", it's all on you. because they're already on their way home, to hang their futon out in the sun.



but really, what do i say to her??




on a slightly related note: i was out with my favorite coworkers on monday night for the first time in months. a bunch of them are coming to ohio over winter vacation!!! but, while we were out one of my favorite teachers, who was kind of like a mother to me, asked me if the above coworker got moved to the high school and the middle school needed another native english teacher, would i consider coming back. i told her it wouldn't be an easy decision, but if that were the case, i would THINK about it. but i don't think i would have to think too long because i'm pretty burnt out from teaching. i'm putting my feelers out into other waters, but it was kind of nice, none the less. i felt missed. and loved.

on anonymity

i'm going through one of those stages where i want to turn everything private - to pretend i never said anything about any of those characters with nicknames and pretend some of those things never really happened (i think you know what i mean) - and then proceed to go public.

that's the thing about blogging. eventually someone knows it's you. and, if you're lucky, like i have been, those people know it's you and yet they still keep reading and still love you. and they even address you "correctly" to keep up the façade, only for your sake.

and it's fun. it's like you can be whoever you want (which usually still ends up being just simply yourself) and not worry that someone is holding it against you, because you never said you were going to be who everyone wanted you to be (if there even is a you they wanted you to be), but that you were just being unapologetically you.

but at what point do your actions become something that shouldn't be? i can look back at things i did and posts i wrote and cringe about the ridiculousness of some of my choices or the words i wrote. without any outside pressure, will i just continue to laugh at my mistakes instead of making better choices? or, without any (real or perceived) anonymity, will i just bend into what i assume others' expectations of me to be?

when it gets down to it, i'm trying to accept the choices i made, and the choice i made to post them in a public space. i think we all just want to feel like we're not the only one. like there is someone (even just one person) out there who has been where you have been, and made it out alive. just to show us that we too will survive. there is something to be said for making mistakes, learning from them, and moving on. but how do you do it? i mean, how do you do it gracefully, with the wisdom to know better now, but the humor to still laugh about the past? (i think i knew better at the time, but didn't care about the consequences. is that a whole 'nother can of worms??)

slowly the people i know in blog world are becoming my real world, and vice versa, so those things i wrote in the safety of being unknown are no longer as safe. or maybe i'm just afraid of being judged. (that's what this is all about, isn't it really? but why do i care so much??)

i am still quite attached to my site name and don't want to move. i don't want to loose the last 3 years of "me." they are me. i don't want to loose whatever community i have surrounding this blog but i think i've hit some kind of wall.

or maybe it's just one of those days when i feel the need to pull it all inside and let it sit there for a while. to be quiet and just wait.

maybe?

dress for okinawa

you know how people (around the internet) talk about sewing clothes, saying "oh it's so simple, it only takes 20 minutes!"...? yeah, this was NOT one of those kinds of projects.

no, this one took...um, more hours than i'm willing to admit. but, it was also my first i'd-actually-wear-this-out-of-the-house clothes project. when i was in elementary school, my childhood best friend and i made all kind of crazy (read: unwearable) stuff on my mom's sewing machine in the basement. needless to say, none of it ever saw daylight. and since i don't even know how to go about using a "real" pattern, i used this dress i bought a couple months ago as a template to start from and then just worked the rest out as i went.

it took me two days, lots of seam ripping, even more sewing and resewing, pinning myself several times, a trip back to the fabric store and there may have been a couple four letter words in there too. and, it was TOTALLY worth it. because i love it.
the fabric is estuko furuya "lion" in purple. i saw it referenced as eggplant somewhere; it might have a cool funky name like that, but it looks pretty much "purple" to me.
my original plan was to have the whole top part be sewn using elastic thread for the "shirred" look but, alas, my sewing machine doesn't play well with elastic thread. (i'd LOVE to upgrade to a bigger, better sewing machine that likes fun things like free motion quilting and elastic thread and probably a hundred other things my baby can't do...) instead i just added some strips of elastic across the back for a semi-shirred look.
i learned several things, the most time consuming of which was how to add fabric so that it doesn't show. i used all of the 2 meters of fabric i bought and the dress was still about 20cm too short. so, off to the fabric store i went to get another yard (note to self: at this height, floor length sundresses require at LEAST 3 meters. yes, self, please remember that.) from that additional one meter, i found the sections that lined up with the front and the back, only to find out they were dangerously close to overlapping with each other and it almost didn't work. but, it ended up working perfectly. if you look to the left of the lion, you can see the seam, but only if you look closely can you tell on the tree part. and from far away, i don't think anyone (except a sewer) would notice.i also figured out how to make adjustable and detachable straps. i tried getting photos of them, but they are a bit rough on the edges and don't photo well. basically they work like the straps of a convertible bra. lots of options: straight from front to back, or crisscrossed in the back, or (my favorite) use one strap and the 2 front hooks to make a halter top.

here are some close ups of the fabric.

i love it. and i've even got about half a yard left over. maybe it will become a simple tote bag or maybe a little drawstring pouch.

or maybe i'll horde it away and wait until i splurge on more etsuko fabric and make a beautiful quilt. i'm leaning toward a medium sized tote bag. because it's too fun not to show off. i mean, it's got lions on it! what else could you possibly want??

things i love thursday

.etsuko furuya fabric - gorgeous.
.mcdonald's.
.surprise sleepover guests.
.anything with stars.
.morinaga caramels.
.sewing all day.
.accidental 4 hour naps.
.cranberry grape juice.
.lemon snowcone in a cup from 7eleven.

fifteen points

i had grand plans to come home from fabric shopping (oh. yes.) to tell you about my wonderful finds and the dress and tops i'm going to make and elastic thread and all that good stuff.

but as i grabbed the mail, a small, familiar looking postcard dropped to the bottom. i reached my hand into the slot (i always worry the neighbors think some weird foreigner is pocketing other peoples' mail when i'm too lazy to actually open my mailbox and just jam my hand down and fish the mail out.) and, i was right: my JLPT results.

i put my purchases down, took a deep breath, and opened it.


不合格（Failed）


oh 15 points.



i guess i'll see you again in december, mr. JLPT.



sigh.





just after taking the test here's what i wrote:

kanji/vocab (100pts)
i went through once and was able to (only semi confidently) answer about 45% of the questions. while reviewing yesterday, someone tried to tell me that the character 黙る was the same character in 沈黙 and at the time i didn’t visualize 沈黙 just remembered how to say the word, but when it appeared (in a “how do you read the underlined kanji?” question) on the test, i just smiled and confidently circled ちんもく. too bad the other 55% of that section didn’t go like that. some of the questions were so hard, with so many kanji i’d never even seen before, or words that i didn’t know. i’ll be more than lucky to come out with a 50%.

well, i guess i was lucky then; i got exactly 50/100.

listening (100pts)
listening is my strength, without a doubt. i went in hoping to make up for my weaknesses in the other sections with a stellar listening score. frustratingly enough however, there were several questions where i wasn’t sure exactly what i was supposed to be listening for, or i couldn’t follow the conversation because there were suddenly too many words i didn’t know. i wanted to get 90% or better, but i was unsure of 5 questions, which will knock me back to 85%.

happy to say i pulled out with 90/100.

reading comprehension/grammar (200pts)
this section is broken into two larger parts. there are several passages and then questions about the reading in the first half and grammar fill in the blank type questions in the second half. on the reading comprehension, i got tripped up on quite a few questions but on my first run through i at least answered 70% of the questions. my reviewing yesterday helped a lot on the grammar section, but i still only answered 65% on the first go through. then i went back and tried to answer the skipped questions. i could have used more time, but in the end was sort of rushed and for more than a couple questions, just picked something. since it’s a multiple choice test, it’s smart to at least filled in an answer for every question, hoping to get lucky here and there with a 25% chance. the reading questions are weighted more than the grammar questions, so i’m hoping i got somewhere between 60-70%.

i got 125/200 (62.5%).

however, with a little math, those scores still only put me at 65%. the passing line for level one is 70%. so, either i need to have done better than i imagined, or really get lucky with my guessing. i could sit here and beat myself up for not studying as much as i “should have” but i’ll just get down on myself and there’s nothing to be done now anyway.

funny though how i was pretty much right on with my estimates on how well (or, in this case, not so well) i did.


so yeah, 15 points.



let the kanji studying resume.



ugh.

things i realized today:

☆ i need more shoe storage in my genkan. or, i have too many shoes, but i'm pretty sure it's a storage issue.

☆ freeze dried ice cream is not really all that tasty. so that's that: no space life for me. i think the whole no gravity thing would be cool, but i don't think i could handle the ice cream.

☆ the rock sugar has completely dissolved in my 2-months-plus-in-the-making umeshu. soon i'll have 10 liters of umeshu so i am thinking about an umeshu party before the year is up. who's in?

☆ i wish i could still meet up with chelsea for dinner or coffee on saturday afternoons instead of having to settle for two hour skype dates.

☆ i LOVE peas. and peas in mashed potatoes. but i think they'd taste better if i didn't use instant mashed potatoes. obviously.

☆ i listen to the same music day in and day out. need to fix that.

☆ i've been unemployed for 5 months, minus that month on mt. fuji, and you know, i don't miss "work". at all. yeah, uh oh.

☆ holy cow it's september.