五月病*？

life has been in the extremes for the last two weeks or so.

the highs are amazing and wonderful and i feel so alive.

the lows are heavy and tearful and i feel so alone.



everything is either exhilarating or exhausting.

part of me is unsettled and i don't know why.



*go gatsu byo

my own hoop!!

i just ordered my own hoop!!!!!
actually, i ordered two!!!

i can't wait until they get here!!!
there WILL be photos!!!

oh and they will need NAMES!!
i'll have to call Chelsea.
(she's the expert namer.)

aaaaahhhhhh, i am SO excited!!!!
let the hooping REALLY begin!!

dads have a funny way

when i was a senior in college, i lived in a house with another girl and a guy. none of us were particularly close but we got along well enough.

one weekend, the other girl in the house hosted a birthday party for a rugby teammate. the week before the actual party, i mentioned it to my dad in passing. then the week after the party, i was IMing with my dad again. the conversation went something like this:

dad: how was the party?
me: what party?
dad: the birthday party you said your house mate was having
me: oh right...
me: eh, it was okay. i went, mingled for a bit, had two beers...but i just wasn't in the mood, so i came upstairs and went to bed.
dad: alone?
me: DAD!!!!
dad: just kidding!


sure you were dad, sure you were...


and then tonight, i had my away message up and it said "cooking" so my dad IMed me and asked what i was cooking. the conversation went something like this:

me: tonight is a premade hamburger and a demi glaze sauce that came with it, green beans and mashed potatoes.
me: the hamburger is alright. i prefer the chicken i've been having all week.
me: i made this yummy honey garlic sauce chicken stir fry a couple days ago
me: and a mexican-ish chicken, corn, black bean and rice dish earlier this week too
me: THAT was good.
dad: sounds like gourmet food!
dad: All that just for you?
me: well, it's definitely not gourmet, but yeah, it's just for me
dad: How are YOU?
dad: i haven't talked with you for awhile!


yep, you gotta love dads. they have funny ways of saying, "hey, i know you're old enough to be dating someone (and presumably all the things that come with dating someone) so if you wanna talk about it, i'll try not to freak out (too much) about it. i'm not going to ask, but i'll at least put the bait out there in case you want to take it."

think pink

not that i think a person needs dozens of knives in his or her kitchen, but it occurred to me that i've somehow managed to survive for the last 13 months with one knife. and that knife is a small pairing knife from ikea that i bought over a year ago.

it's served me so well that i never HAD to buy another knife, but today i went to takeya and bought two kyocera ceramic knives.



i think they are very "spring"y and pretty. the pink one had a "pink ribbon" label too so some of the proceeds will go to breast cancer research.

i also picked up a picnic-size japanese style lunch box. and it's also...pink! it's a pig face. i wasn't sure i had a good excuse to buy it ("when would i use this?") but it was only 980yen and i thought it was absolutely adorable so i couldn't resist.

and actually, i think i've just been invited to the perfect "excuse" to use it.

things i love thursday

.sun after rain.
.touching my toes.
.surprise days off.
.being financially independent.
.the snack shop ladies.
.canadian magazines.
.new sheets.
.necco sweethearts.
.new knives.

hoop high

today i spent the whole afternoon hooping in yoyogi park.

i met lots of fabulous people and learned a couple new tricks, but mostly just lost myself in the music and the rhythm of the hoop. i don't usually like being "on stage", but every so often i noticed a passerby taking my picture, standing and watching, or cheering when i successfully did a trick, and it gave me this almost unfamiliar high of being a performer. part of me loved it.

and i walked away from the whole thing thinking one thing: i NEED my own hoop. ASAP.

it's strange...

i don't know why, but i wanted to listen to this song called "it's strange..." tonight. then i remembered there's a video:



i think it's wonderful.

i know one of the guys in the band, king tut, and am happy to see him succeeding in something he is so passionate about.

check them out: http://www.myspace.com/kingtutband

tag you're it

er...i'm it. i've been tagged (thanks nay!).

eight random facts about me:

1. i was born in alaska. my dad worked for the public health service for two years to pay back his student loans and i was born in the meantime.

2. my best friend growing up and i were often mistaken for twin...boys.

3. during the summers, i spent 8 hours a day at the local swimming pool. i got there before it opened and was almost always the last one out of the pool.

4. despite a classic awkward middle school experience, my 8th grade school photo is one of my favorites, even with braces.

5. i dated the same guy from the time i was 16 until i was almost 21.

6. i didn't drink in college until i came to japan during a college study abroad program, well past my 21st birthday.

7. i wore flip flops to my college graduation.

8. i still sleep with a stuffed animal. it's a big, round, chubby platypus (Chelsea thought it was a lamb) that i got for my 14th birthday from my mom.



consider yourself tagged if you read this far.

things i love thursday

.granola bars.
.laminating things.
.making eraser stamps.
.free feel good food.
.omu-rice.
.rain when it matches my mood.
.sweatpants.
.hot tea at work.
.weber (beloved platypus stuffed animal).

fake it til you make it

art by hariken

remedy for a case of the mondays

i was tired (thanks to sunday night text flirting with the crush ;)), but i had to make it through three classes right off the bat this morning.

the 7th graders are too cute for their own good.
the 8th graders have the worst attitudes i've seen in awhile.
the 9th graders are still too cool for school but *maybe* coming around.

mondays won't be bad, as long as i do some prep the friday before. the only forseen problem with that plan is that i have five classes on friday and not a lot of down time to actually do prep for monday. tuesday and thursday i only have two classes (each) so i just have to get really good at planning ahead and being on the ball.

last night i was looking at the yoga schedule of the place i went to over spring break and discovered that there's a branch halfway between my house and work! so instead of having to go from work *past* my house to ginza, could i just stop on my way home? (read: don't have to pay extra because my commute is completely covered by my employer, even if i get off and then back on halfway) i called the ginza branch and asked. sadly, the lesson tickets (i had 3 waiting to be used) aren't transferable. the ginza branch provides towels and water whereas the other place doesn't. it seems like such a small thing and i should just take my own towel and go to the closer location, but for a girl who does two loads of laundry every other week, the extra towel laundry just might not work for me. but as long as my membership is transferable, i'm thinking i should at least check it out with a couple lessons and see how it goes.

anyway, they (ginza) had room in their class tonight, so i reserved a spot. i got out of work as soon as i could and made my way into tokyo. the weather turned beautiful and i actually wished that i had my own hula hoop and was heading to the park for some low key hooping. but, another day. (and i am still contemplating all my options here.)

yoga was...intense. just as before. though this time i made it through all the poses without getting dizzy or having to take a breather. that's not to say i can successfully DO all the poses. i'm so incredibly inflexible. hence yoga. i am actually able to touch my toes now, which is exciting. haha.

by the time i got out of class, showered and got home, it was just before 9pm. but i was hungry and totally motivated to cook dinner. without planning, as i sat down to eat, i realized i had a "warm color" dinner: chicken, cooked carrots, sliced bananas and strawberrys and kagome's "yellow" vegetable juice. i really wished i had a rice cooker. rice would have really completed the meal in my mind.

it feels so good to exercise (number 15!). when the weather is gloomy, my mood usually follows so it was absolutely wonderful to sweat and feel that burn of using my muscles. i'll be sore for days, but the endorphin high makes it all worth it.

planters and a park

the weather finally came through and gave me a sunny day!!

in celebration, i rode my bike to takeya, a local "we have everything!" store and bought 3 planters and planter soil. those flowers i got from Chelsea are on the verge of death. hopefully in their new homes they will make a nice comeback and cheer up my balcony (number 35!).



on my way home, i took back roads and alleys and discovered that there's a little park less than 2 minutes from my house!! my first thought: "now when i get my own hoop i can go hooping RIGHT DOWN THE STREET!!" oh, i'm a happy camper. :)

things i love thursday

.organizing my desk.
.grapefruit.
.100yen shops.
.my rain boots.
.rides to the station.
.cranberry juice.
.cath kidston purse.
.packages from home.
.hula hooping.

school daze: humor

i don't know who was more nervous as i walked onto the stage to introduce myself, me with my heart pounding in my throat or the 131 7th graders expecting it to be in english.


me: goodmorning!!

7th: "goodmorning!"

me: "oh you guys are genki!"

7th: nervous laughter (i think they were glad i spoke japanese.)

me: "my name is jo and i teach...japanese. just kidding, i teach english conversation."

7th: laughter


i glanced over to the teachers standing off to the side and they were laughing too.

hey, i'm funny!!

a lot on my plate

i have started this post four times and deleted it each time so this is how it's going to be:

・this week has been stressful (in an emotional/mental way) and my smile is fading. the weather isn't helping either. this nonstop rain is really dampening my spirits. i need the weekend and the sun.

・i got an unexpected package from my mom and dad. it made my day yesterday. they sent me some cute LeSportsac bags "Just to say Happy Spring and We love you!!" a girl can never have too many bags or purses or little pouches.

・today i introduced myself in front of all the new 7th graders. my heart was pounding so hard, almost in my throat. how did i ever become a teacher?

・i had a chat with the snack shop ladies after not having seen them for two months. they always tell it like it is:
--
ssl: "Carr couldn't be with you because he couldn't keep up. he tried, and he liked you, but he couldn't do it. you are always out and about, seeing people, doing things, and to keep up with you, see you as much as you want to see him, it was all just too much for him. he got sick because he was stressed and tired (a huge factor in getting shingles apparently) and just couldn't do it anymore."

me: so it's my fault he got sick?

ssl: "well...you're definitely a tough one to keep up with. just listening to all your stories and adventures is tiring! we love it, but can't imagine what it'd be like to try and date you."

me: i just wish he could have said something in the end. he probably didn't want to hurt me, but saying it will hurt less than not saying anything at all.

ssl: "but saying it will hurt him too and he probably can't bring himself to say anything. that's just the way it goes. there are some people who just aren't compatible. your body has limits and yours just didn't match."
--
much to think about.

・i taught my first two classes of the new year today. they went okay. the kids are just so reluctant to TALK, which makes it tough seeing as it's english CONVERSATION. middle schoolers are middle schoolers anywhere, don't let anyone fool you.

・my apartment has been a mess for weeks, which is about the amount of time i can stand it. but somehow i just can't make myself buckle down and clean it.

・i want to buy a double bed. but i am too much in love with my twin-sized comforter that it might keep me from splurging on a new mattress.

・i may have a new crush.

(p.s. i'm trying to keep this format: anything in italics within a conversation actually occurred in japanese.)

at the local recycle shop

i just got back from the recycle/second hand shop down the street.

there was this young guy working there and as i walked through the narrow spaces we greeted each other with a "konnichiwa" but eventually, between my questions about moving the furniture and his generic "it's cold today huh..." comments, we ended up chatting. he was almost overly casual in his japanese, but was super friendly and helpful.

there were actually quite a few things (bigger furniture items) that i was interested in, but as i stood there for awhile studying a kitchen shelf unit, he yells over the "wall" of dressers (the place was jam packed FULL of stuff), "maybe you should consult with your boyfriend first huh?" gah...hahahaha, riiiiight. i tried to give some witty "oh, you assume i have one eh?" comment back but i don't think my japanese pulled through for me on that one.

the thing that caught me was that he called me お姉さん. "onesan" literally means "older sister" but it is also the word typically used to when refering to young women or girls (older than you) whose names you don't know. as it turned out i am four years older than him, but i don't know that i've ever been called "onesan" by a japanese guy before.

1. i usually don't pay attention, but now that i think about it, most people probably say "gaijin-san", if anything.
2. i think my chances to chat with japanese people who don't get the full "hello my name is" introduction are few and far between.
3. i'm getting old enough that i'm older than store employees instead of always feeling like i'm a kid in an "adult" world.

it was kind of refreshing.

on regret

a girl i graduated high school with sent me a message on facebook the other day:

"Hey! How have you been doing? All of your pictures are great. It makes me so jealous that I am stuck here in good old < hometown > Ohio experiencing life. I wish that I was as brave and adventurous as you."

one of my greatest fears is that a day will come when i am the one saying this to someone else. in the end, i would rather regret a hundred times over all the things i did than regret all those things i did not do.

suit season

i've mentioned it before, but i love suit season*. not because i like wearing suits or because i think suits are fun or original or anything close to wearing jeans (which i would do for work everyday if i could) but because i think japanese men look hot in suits.

yes, yes, it's as superficial as it sounds. and i'm okay with that.

anyway, tomorrow is the entrance ceremony for the new students. there are only 2 times a year when i conform to the suit dress code at school. the entrance ceremony and the graduation ceremony. the suit i brought with me (august 2006) doesn't quite fit anymore, as i discovered several weeks ago at graduation. so tomorrow, i'm going to be rocking the new suit i just bought today:

(i can't find a photo of the pants, but they are pretty basic too.)

the sleeves on the jacket are (surprise) a little short, but they are the kind that actually look good folded back to make them three quarter length sleeves. i like to think that length looks decent on long arms.

the first store i wandered into was green label relaxing (united arrows). i've tried on a few things there before and remember that they were a bit too small, but figured it was worth a look. i found two suits that looked nice and tried them on. i usually don't think suits look good on me, but i put the second one on and actually thought, "hey, i look kind of cool in this suit!" even though i would have liked to try on the next size up (they didn't have it, nor did any store nearby), i liked it enough and just bought it! it might not be practical for all year wear because of the sleeve length and i don't think i can fit more than a light cardigan underneath but, as i said to the saleslady, "i'll worry about winter when winter comes."

sometimes i wonder if i make decisions too quickly or never make them at all. i couldn't decide what to have for lunch today but i bought the second suit i tried on.


*the period in japan when it seems everyone is wearing a suit. 3rd year university students have started job hunting (black suit and white shirt being a MUST), recent graduates are entering companies (black suit and white shirt?), the school year is starting (teachers are making those first impressions on students) and everyone else is just following suit (heehee) because...well, because it's japan and people tend to just do what everyone else is doing.

もう君がいない

i recently got some new japanese music from a coworker and really like this song called もう君がいない(mou kimi ga inai) by Funky Monky Babys. when i went to karaoke with Sky the other day, i tried to sing it but the verses border on japanese rapping and it was way too hard. i was able to sing the chorus and some parts here and there, but my goal is to eventually be able to make it through the whole song.

so, while waiting in the airport on my way home from kyushu, i sat with my ipod and transcribed verse one (then looked up all the kanji in my dictionary). there's a little part in the second to last line that i couldn't make out for sure so i just wrote what i think it sounds like. i could just google it and find the lyrics online, but i'm sort of proud to have done this much without "cheating."

verse one:

夕暮れの駅の方、二人隅このベンチに座り、
君が乗るはずの電車を何本見送ったんだろう。
僕は俯いたまま、君の涙に気づいていたから、
さようならするのが怖かった、その右手を離せなかった。

最終電車のベルが鳴りひびて、君が急に立ち上がって、
無理して作った笑顔で「今までありがとう」って言った。
顏を上げたらはしりさってく小さな背中、
行き場失った左手は寂しくて振れてた。

music is one of my favorite ways of "fun studying." just as in english, songs are basically poems set to music, which means they aren't always grammatically correct or straightforward in their meaning, but that just makes figuring it all out all the more challenging and interesting.

(i need to expand my vocabulary. "interesting"?! sigh.)

spring break 31.1.2.3.

31.monday through 3.thursday
i went to kyushu. (number 10, check!)

the trip deserves a decent post to come later.

things i love thursday

.梅酒.
.yoga.
.l'occitane concrete de parfum, cherry blossom.
.sleeping in.
.rural train stations.
.riding in cars.
.CURRENT, 炭火焼.
.funky headphones.
.coming home after a trip.