see you, september

inventory time.

5--i had crossed this one (bake more) off, but i haven't used my oven in at least 2 months, maybe more. october is perfect for baking cookies, muffins, brownies and other warm goodies.

7--i know i vacuumed twice and wiped my kitchen floor at least once, maybe twice. i'm considering that good enough this month.

8--it's a work in progress to clean out/reorganize my desk/filing cabinet at work. i've been slowly attacking different areas.

14--i called my mom when she was in the hospital earlier this month and talked for 20 minutes. i think she was surprised (and happy) i called.

15--this one had previously been crossed off too (exercise) but i have been seriously slacking lately. my hoops are dusty and lonely. i ran in the relay at the sports day 3 days ago and i'm *still* sore. must work on this one next month. hopefully we get some perfect fall weather for hooping!

21--this was my big one this month. i went to the bank and filled out the paperwork to have my gas, electric and water all automatically deducted from my bank account. while i like the idea of actually "seeing" how much i'm spending on utilities, i know that i only use what i need and i'm going to pay it anyway, so i might as well let the bank do the busywork. at the bank i asked about direct deposit for my rent, but apparently it's not offered as an automatic service. so, i signed up for internet banking and paid my rent for next month from the comfort of my own home! then, while i was out setting all this up, i went to the au shop and had the same thing done for my cell phone. yay for less bills! (well, i'll still be *paying* them, but it won't feel like it!) i looked into doing the same for my internet, but it appears that it can only be done from 4 banks, none of which i use. so, i think i'm stuck paying that one at the convenience store every month. unfortunately, that's the ONLY one that is a stickler for the due date. but, life just got much simpler. i just need to remember to go to the atm every month and stick my "bank book" in the machine to record how much everything was so i can put it into my ds home budget game.

41--i'm 30 pages away from finishing my first whole book in japanese!

43--i'm slowly making my way through "sections" of my apartment throwing things away. if i stick with it, maybe by the end of the year, my apartment will be significantly less cluttered. here's to hoping anyway, right?! ;)

the big two five

no, today is not my 25th birthday, but the figurative twenty five has found its way into the cracks and crevices...hello quarter-life crisis?

some common characteristics:

・feeling not good enough
・frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a job/career
・confusion of identity
・insecurity regarding the near future
・insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals
・insecurity regarding present accomplishments
・re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
・disappointment with one's job
・nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
・tendency to hold stronger opinions
・boredom with social interactions
・loss of closeness to high school and college friends
・financially-rooted stress
・loneliness
・desire to have children
・a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you


and in this check-all-that-apply, i have ten big fat red x's. yikes.

but i've got more than half of these too:

・a pervasive low mood, or loss of interest or pleasure in favorite activities
・preoccupation with feelings of worthlessness, guilt, regret, helplessness or hopelessness
・poor concentration and memory
・withdrawal from social situations and activities
・reduced sex drive
・thoughts of death or suicide
・insomnia
・decreased appetite
・persistent physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, digestive problems, chronic pain, or a feeling of sluggishness
・easily agitated or slowed down


from the list of common symptoms of depression.


which came first, the chicken or the egg?

p.s.

i've been home sick since yesterday afternoon.

last week i just couldn't get back on schedule and things were all over the place. it was only a matter of time before my body couldn't keep at it. i should know better by now. this pattern isn't something new to me: be off kilter for more than a couple weeks and you're gonna get sick. your body's trying to tell you something!

thankfully tomorrow i have the day off but i better be ready to rock and roll for the school sports day on saturday!

things i love thursday

.a clean desk.
.earplugs.
.Knorr's スープ　パスタ.
.costco's apple, peach and passionfruit juice.
.looking at old photographs.
.discovering new outfit combinations.
.savage garden.
.cleaning, one space at a time.
.finding project runway on youtube.

fall and fashion

the days are now officially getting shorter.

yesterday was the autumn equinox which is, in japan in its awesomeness, a national holiday. i love random tuesdays off. to offset the unfortunate realization that late summer evenings are slowly being replaced by dark-at-6pm evenings, i decided i was in need of some retail therapy. (i've got money burning a hole in my pocket...)


first stop: ginza.

i made a stop at the kate spade counter in matsuya just to look. some cute stuff, but nothing calling my name.

i went to UNIQLO and bought some 2 pairs of fun striped fleecy socks for around the house come winter and a tunic type knit shirt all for less than $30.

i happened to pass ZARA so i stopped in there too. i got a simple red cardigan sweater to replace the one i used to have that disappeared last year. i picked up a long gray cardigan sweater and a navy blue sweater vest too. you'd think it was winter already the way i stocked up on sweaters!

the new H&M opened a couple weeks ago and i'd like to check it out. sadly, so would *every other* japanese person. apparently the line just to get IN on the opening day was 4 to 5 hours. it's a couple weeks later and still people are lining up to get in! the line was an hour long when i walked by around 3pm. maybe another day.


next stop: harajuku.

i usually love the gap in harajuku because it's huge and they seem to have the biggest selection compared to other gap stores, but yesterday was kind of a disappointment. i did, however buy a pair of wide leg conductor striped carpenter pants. they aren't a perfect fit but they are funky and relaxed and will be perfect with converse sneakers.

i am a total gap kid. the other day when i went to the one in ueno, i happened to be wearing ALL gap clothes. the sales lady even said something to me while she was trying to sell me on some new arrivals. i like gap because i'm really into simple and, dare i say, plain clothes.

because of that, i usually don't tend to like the styles i see in the majority of japanese fashion magazines. actually, i LIKE some of what i see, but don't think it's "my" style. but a couple weeks ago, i found a magazine spread of mix and match items that i really liked. i have a couple of the pieces already but would love to be able to recreate some (most?) of the outfits.

that's my fall mission.

before and after: desk

yesterday i picked up a couple plastic drawers for my desk (that doubles as my kitchen table) because i can never seem to keep it clean.

it usually ends up looking like this:


but i'm hoping to keep it looking like this:

things i love thursday

.lazy weekends.
.kids who turn in homework on time.
.lemon pepper chicken.
.soy milk juice boxes.
.finding money.
.macadamia nuts and dried cranberries.
.having a coworker say うまそう！ about my homemade lunch.
.talking to the bread shop ladies.
.homemade lemonade.

dragging

it's almost 10pm and i'm still nibbling at some leftover salad and homemade avocado dressing, the other two (ground chicken) stuffed green peppers are sitting in the frying pan waiting to get bento-ed, the sink is full of dishes and i need to shower.

but on the bright side, i watched an episode of project runway season five on you tube.

i am seriously struggling to get back into "work mode" and, more importantly, i haven't been sleeping well for the past week. i wake up at least once or twice and then again at a time like 5:47am, losing those last 13 minutes of precious sleep.

i have been dragging. i feel like japanese has the perfect word for this feeling: だるい.

the thing is, i'm not tired in the sleepy sense. i mean, yeah, the mornings are tough and all i can think about is crawling back into bed for more sleep but really, it's not sleepy. it's just this overall sluggish exhaustion that makes my arms and legs feel four times as heavy and i just want to let my head fall on my desk for a rightthenandthere power nap.

it's all my own doing. it's my own fault that i don't do the dishes or go to bed earlier or do something to make classes more exciting. it is. but i just can't seem to find the motivation to do any of those things. even going out with my friends sounds like a chore right now (and i have got plans both friday and saturday night this weekend :/ )

i'm trying to keep my chin up and just keep plugging along, because i know it'll pass.

it will. and sooner rather than later i hope.

☆s of late

☆ i left my house twice this three day weekend. once for laundry and once for dinner on saturday with Bee and Style. while the lazy beyond lazy days were wonderfully restful, i can't help but feel like i wasted a perfectly good opportunity to go somewhere. or that maybe i should have been a bit more proactive in the planning department of my social life. oh well, there are national holidays galore in the next couple months; i'll have other chances.

☆ i had a date with CB a couple weeks ago. we had a great time drinking umeshu and chatting over dinner. the day or so following the date has led me to be so confused about him. i'm working up the courage to call him and talk about it.

☆ and Parker? we went to a movie last weekend, completely spur of the moment. we went to dinner (pizza at Shakey's!) and then saw ２０世紀少年. it might have been the first japanese movie i've seen in a theater. the japanese is fairly easy to follow, with some confusing parts of course (but you eventually get it once events unfold). and then, he was texting someone practically the minute we got out of the movie, and while i didn't think i was that (romantically) interested, i was surprised to find that i was actually a bit jealous at the thought that he was texting some girl.

☆ i also went to costco last weekend with Bee, Style, Cheer and a newbie to japan. Newbie and i went to the same college in the states and he studied japanese for a couple years but never actually visited. he moved to japan about a month ago and by total chance lives a 10 minute bike ride away! anyway, funny guy. goofy and likes to drink, Bee loves him. (right, Bee loves anyone who loves to drink)

☆ work is...i don't know what. it just is. i am more and more NOT into it. as much i love my coworkers and the financial stability and the vacation schedule, i wonder how much is just draining my energy and soul. an acquaintance of my mom's asked for my contact info back in may and finally got in touch with me, just after i left for mt fuji. her husband works for an american company that just bought a company that does a lot of business in japan but the CFO of the american company (who, from what i gather is in japan) doesn't speak any japanese. that's where she suggested me. last weekend i sent her my resume and she is going to forward it on to her husband as well as another company she said was interested in having it. who knows. it's all way too early to say anything, it's just a resume. but, you never know what connections may come from it.

☆ my mom was in the hospital the other day with a kidney stone. i called and talked to her for 20 minutes. she sounded really groggy (from the painkillers) and was waiting to hear whether or not the doctor could get the machine needed to "zap" the stone and break it up so it can pass. she emailed me the next day to say that she was home. they put in a stent to ease the pressure and she has to go back later this week for the actual procedure. she doesn't do well being sick so good vibes are appreciated.

☆ my two measly cherry tomatoes finally turned red and i picked them today. i ate one immediately, just popped it in my mouth, and the other one is sitting on my counter waiting for me to make a salad.

☆ i cleaned my bedroom today. i have this problem where i can only seem to get half my apartment clean at once. so, the bedroom it is! i opened all the windows and thankfully it wasn't too hot today. i tidied up everything that was scattered on the floor, febreezed a blanket and hung it out on my balcony, put away the laundry i did on saturday and vacuumed. i also cleaned the toilet and washed half the dishes. i started sorting through a shoe box that has collected all kinds of papers and envelopes, which are currently still all over my living room floor. ha.

☆ in my cleaning, i made a wonderful discovery: the bonus i got for helping out with the school entrance tests (back in february mind you! can we say pack rat?!) i took about $1000 of it home in february but the rest was left untouched in the envelope!! add that to my mt fuji paycheck, and i've got some money burning a hole in my pocket. when i was on mt fuji, i decided that i was going to buy a nice camera (likely a digital SLR) but have yet to seriously shop for one. and now i've got more than i thought to work with. what should i do?? investing will always be a back up option, and i will take a chunk of money home at christmas when i go (i invest with a company in the US) but it seems like i should do something fun for myself with at least some of it!

☆ i also finally caught myself up in my budgeting DS game. it's がんばる私の家計ダイアリー. basically, i'm in it for the colorful graphs it makes showing my income against whatever categories of spending i choose to display. so along with the income line, i have a line that represents all my utilities and rent and fairly "stable" expenditures, and then one for total spending. i can see if i spent more or less than i made, and can compare the change month to month. i love graphs, it's true. i'm 100% a visual learner. while it's not a budget in the sense that i decide ahead of time how much i'm allotting for cell phone bill, or drinking, or entertainment, it at least gives me a general idea of how much money i spend each month. i'm not currently consciously trying to cut back and save, though i am slowly saving money, it gives me a good idea of where i could cut back spending if i needed to.

☆ i'm unashamedly excited that the new season of america's next top model has started. yeah, i'm a sucker for that show. and there are some serious characters this time around. the drama is gonna be nonstop! thankfully someone uploads the episodes to youtube relatively soon after the show airs so i can enjoy all the model melodrama! also in tv news, i read this post about ainori and will be tuning into channel 8 on monday nights. ...tonight! :)

☆ i'm in the process of getting a couple more things knocked off my 50 for 2008 list, particularly one that i've been procrastinating doing for...well, for 9 months. when they are officially done, i'll stick them in the end of the month update. it's already the 15th after all!


that's all the ☆s i've got for now...

past lives

i may have missed the myspace trend but i was all about xanga back in college, which resulted in 4 different blogs. after fallouts with various people and feeling overexposed, i turned everything private and stopped writing, spare a few private posts when i just needed to vent somewhere. it's so fascinating to go back sometimes and read things i wrote and remember what happened, or better put, try to decipher my cryptic posts and overuse of pronouns.

some are as recent as last year:

Sunday, September 16, 2007

something more fact than fiction

she wakes to the morning sun. not shining in her window,
but reflecting off the windows across the street. she rolls
over; he's still sleeping. his tan chest, smooth and warm
to the touch, rises and falls almost unnoticeably. she kisses
him gently on his neck, snuggling up against him, stirring
him. goodmorning, she whispers. he responds with something
between a purr and a sigh. his arms find their way;
hands move across her exposed body. legs intertwined,
their lips and bodies meet in the morning heat.
.....

he asks for something to drink though she only has tap water.
it'll have to do. she grabs her shirt from the floor and pads
into the kitchen. he's following her. she pours him a glass
of refrigerated tap water and steps into the bathroom. when
she comes out, the water is gone and he's back in the bedroom,
half dressed. can i smoke on the balcony, he asks politely.

sitting on the floor next to the mattress, in front of the sliding
glass door, knees up to his chest, he lights his cigarette. she
makes her way over and sits on the mattress behind him. with
her legs on either side of him, her head fits perfectly in the
space between his shoulder blades, her arms around him.

they sit and watch the early morning light crawl down the
buildings outside, interrupted by the smoke of his cigarette
and untroubled, unhurried conversation. the left over scent
of his cologne catches on the wind; inhaling deeply, she finds
herself wishing that every morning was like this.

3:27 PM


and others, five years ago:

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

suddenly, i don't know how to get out of bed
how to put on my jeans
or how i always brush my teeth

i vaguely remember what classes i have
and what days they're on
and in what classroom

but my notes are just jumbles
and the discussions swirl around me
and i never hear the words

i see familiar faces as i walk down the path
but wonder if i'd recognize my own
if i looked straight into the glass

somehow i find my bed again
and realize it's where i sleep
but can't remember how to get back in again

2:49 PM


i just realized that both of these posts were on september 16, by total coincidence, a few days from today. so many things have changed and yet they are still so much the same sometimes.

both the changing and staying the same are good things, i think.

things i love thursday

.fruit snacks.
.t-shirt and jeans weather.
.falling asleep without the air conditioner.
.tan lines.
.third year classes finally coming around.
.bagels.
.finding fashion i like in a japanese magazine.
.something corporate.
.cranberry grape juice.

quote of the day

"the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference."

someone left this line as part of a comment on a blog i read occasionally and it was just so wonderfully simple. and yet so complicated.

five restaurants

as part of my 50 for 2008, i made it a goal to find at least five new restaurants i can take friends to (number 19). here they are:


☆Chelsea Club - spontaneous dinner with May and Tea

this is a small little cafe squeezed into the boardwalk-like area in shinjuku south. i had a huge burger with avocado that was delicious. in fact, we all had the same thing. it was a bit difficult to eat and you get a little messy so it was perfect for a girls' only date.


☆El Torito - May's birthday party

let me remind you that i'm from ohio, so i probably don't know what "good mexican food" really is. having said that, i loved the chips and guacamole but otherwise, was too distracted by a particular boy to really have strong feelings one way or the other on the menu. fun atmosphere and there was a birthday sombrero for the birthday girl.


☆Muteppo (無鉄砲) - Tea's farewell party

we took a "scenic route" to get to this restaurant and it's in a neighborhood with a lot of little back roads, so i'm not sure i could find it without a map. we got one of two private rooms. we chose a course (it's so much easier for groups, especially yakiniku places where you don't know what is whose on the grill, just dig in!) and ordered some korean sake too.


☆Trattoria Italia - date with Parker

this is in the same building as TGIFriday's in ueno. parker took me here and we ordered a course menu which included scallops and sashimi, which i ate with no problem! i believe it's the dressing that made a world of difference: so tasty! the atmosphere could be described as casual fine dining. the portions were perfect sized and i remember there being lots of wine options and also an international beer selection (not huge, but more than your average izakaya).


☆Momenya (もめん屋) - date with CB

this place falls under the izakaya category, and it's in a college "town," but it's not the kind college kids go to for beer by the case and rowdy behavior. we sat at the bar and had typical izakaya fair. i invited him out for umeshu and he took me here. we tried a different kind of umeshu every time but they also had a pretty extensive nihonshu menu. not fancy, but perfect for a nice evening of dinner and drinks.

for the end of august

inventory time!

14--i've been really good about calling home now that i *finally* got an international calling card. in fact, i called home twice from the top of mt fuji, which i think my parents thought was cool. just gotta keep it up now...

17--i preemptively crossed climb mt fuji off when i knew i was working there for three weeks, but it officially gets the check now. sorry, i know i've been slack about posting about it. that's only an apology, not a guarantee promise of a post soon.

19--i finally made it to a 5th new restaurant, completing this one! my list (and maybe very brief reviews/comments) will be up soon.

32--i'm failing at this one. i started to read Letters to a Young Poet on mt fuji but didn't finish it, and i'm *still* mid-read on the japanese book i started in july (number 41) so i really need to make an effort in the reading department.

36--my balcony garden really suffered while i was gone for three weeks, during the hottest month of the year no less. luckily Cheer and her sister came by frequently and watered all my plants for me. the green beans are pretty much done and i've got 2 little green tomatoes that just don't seem to turn red. bernadette, one of the plants i got from Chelsea back in april is the only one i really cared about (worse come to worst) and she's still alive, so...

48--my toenails made the shift from summer red to navy blue for a wedding i went to in the beginning of august. sandal season may be coming to a close for japanese people (boots will be out any day now i bet) but not in my book!! bring on the flip flop weekends!

things i love thursday

.nashi juice.
.having dinner with Sky for the first time in months.
.ore nchi koi.
.mt fuji mini renunions.
.the yokohama night skyline.
.tofu.
.lemon tea.
.new lesson plan schedules.
.friends from the states moving nearby, by chance.

quote of the day

"Even when the earth suddenly shakes, tides unexpectedly surge, and all hope seems lost, in the split second that follows I have a brand new plan, I know what we'll do, and I've got the pedal to the metal. Just get back in your saddle and ride."

-the Universe


just so frighteningly appropriate today.

goodbye summer

i have been seriously neglecting my blog. not completely on purpose or consciously of course. i keep thinking, ohhh, i'll write about this or that or some other thing that spontaneously came to mind in the last week or so. and i had half intentions of writing, but when it gets right down to it, i never wrote anything. so here we are.

when i got down from mt fuji, i immediately started packing my schedule full. i went hooping, met with old coworkers, and current coworkers, saw a friend's display (live painting) at Loft in shibuya, had a date (with CB), went out with The Group for dinner and drinks and Bee's birthday!, had two consecutive sleepovers, and had a mini mt fuji reunion in yokohama. you do the math; it was a wild 6 days.

now it's september 1st (note to self: must get on that 50 for 2008 list...!) and summer vacation is officially OVER. :( though really, i can't say i didn't live my dreams for the last 5 weeks. and that's an amazing feeling.

now i must go and do what i must do to pay the rent. off to school kiddies!!