to do in oh nine: january

monthly inventory.
here we go...



☆2008 leftovers☆

6 32-read more - read one book a month (1/12)
i finished a book by kamiji yusuke (his blog). it's not really what i had in mind when i said "book" but i finished it nonetheless! AND it's in japanese. i didn't make that part of my goal, but i like to think i get an extra gold star☆


☆habits☆

1 stick with a face skin care routine
i bought clinque's 3 step skin care system while i was home. my mom swears by clinque, and while i'm SURE there are just as effective (and cheaper!) products out there, i just needed something to jump start me on actually taking care of my face. and i'vedone pretty well so far. i only went to bed 3 nights without washing my face.

2 eat breakfast before work
check! (at the very least i had a yogurt and a banana or toast)

3 make a japanese study schedule and stick to it
i've got the beginnings of a kanji study plan. (jan. 13th) i need to figure out whether it will allow me to completely learn all the kanji i need to know for level one of the jlpt or not though. it's not based on number of kanji studied in a day, but on a number of correctly read words over at readthekanji0.56. if you are studying kanji, check it out! i wasn't very diligent about actually following through with it this month, so hopefully february. i'm still working on a grammar plan. i feel like i've bought more than my share of study books and don't really want to buy anymore (unless there's one someone strongly strongly recommends); i just need to set up some kind of way to systematically learn grammar points from the resources i already own. work in progress.


☆one time deals☆

2 buy curtains
i have them picked out. i was just too indecisive in the store and left without buying them. having thought about them now, i'm pretty sure i'll get them next time i go to that store.

4 work on mt fuji again
early this month (jan. 6th) i called my boss from last summer and told him i want to work the whole summer this year. he said 「おいでよ.」so for at least july and august, i'll be at the summit of mt fuji. come say hello! :) this one isn't checked off just yet, but it's in motion.

10 organize my magazine clippings/etc. (make an inspiration board, or two!)
i bought two cork boards and sorted through some torn out magazine pages and last night went through about 4 magazines which can now be thrown away. hey, it's a start.

15 go to another museum
went to the national art center, tokyo on a date with Noki.


☆multiple time deals☆

1 apartment cleaning
toilet room: by accident, my toilet room is now sparkly clean. i hung new shelves and bought a curtain rod for when i make a curtain for the little window. i'd like to buy a new toilet mat too, but again, was too indecisive in the store and couldn't pick a color (scheme). same thing is happening with the to-be-made curtain too. work in progress.

bath room: i bought a new shower caddy rack, which actually holds everything nicely and makes my bath room look purposefully organized...yay! could do with a new shower curtain (it protects the non-tiled part of the wall) to spruce it up a bit though. i'm thinking purple. work in progress.

senmenjo: i weeded out stuff that doesn't actually need to be in my medicine cabinet to make room to "put away" the stuff that i do use but that was just sitting out. also a work in progress.

i also rearranged my "living room" and am still trying to put it back together.

2 make 6 things on my sewing machine (2/6)
i made this きんちゃく. and i also made this pillow, inspired by one i saw online. and i've got ANOTHER project in the works: i may have bitten off more than i can chew, but i thought it sounded awesome!! fabric has started showing up in my mailbox and it's so much fun!! i might have to set some kind of time schedule so that it doesn't just end up in a drawer somewhere. call me a daydreamer (there are WAY worse things to be called, as far as i'm concerned!) but maybe it'll end up being a baby blanket for some future baby (future future FUTURE baby! ha.) will keep you posted on my progress, of course.

6 invest at least as much as 2008, if possible, depending on job situation
after getting a couple sizeable checks for christmas and talking it over with my parents, i decided to invest almost all of it. even though it's all getting invested at the same time, in my mind almost half of it went in as being invested in 2008 and the other half as being in 2009. i don't know what the year is going to be like financially, and i figured i have the means to invest it now. then i don't have to worry about trying to match 2008 numbers later down the road. now i've already invested as much in 2009 as i did in 2008; and it was enough to impress my dad (go me!)



after one month, i'm getting the sense that this year's list is way more doable than last year's. there are a bunch of easily accomplished ones but then there are a handful of big one's thrown in too. time will tell...!


things for next month:
○ call home. i didn't call this month.
○ hoop more. hoop/exercised 5 times in three weeks? i can do better.
○ find a book to start AND finish.
○ study japanese!!
○ might be going to a concert (jason mraz!!)
○ work on my charm quilt.

saturday ☆s

☆ on wednesday i went out to dinner with an old friend from college here in japan, and we got to talking about how i'm a "friend type" and why things never go passed being friends. he had some interesting observations, most of which were probably right on, but things i avoided admitting about my personality/the way i am. things i've noticed on occasion, but never actively worked on "fixing." i ended up crying (of course) and getting a little down and out because even though i appreciate him being totally frank about it, and i think he's right, it still hurt. a lot. i need to be more conscious of how i come across to people (/potential boyfriends?). especially since it's only date two!! (see below)

☆ we had a "ball game tournament" at a big public gymnasium near school on thursday. all the kids were broken into teams and it was organized so they played till there was one team left as the winner for each grade. in the middle, there was a teachers bracket too. and we all got really into it. my team won both our games (yay!) but i got injured. i sprained my thumb when the ball ricocheted off someone else and jammed my thumb. now i can't bend my right thumb. and it's slightly blu-ish. :( i've had a shippu on it and had it taped up (half to remind me NOT to use it) but just trying to tie my shoes, or button my coat sends shooting pain through my thumb. yikes. but the day was fun. tiring, but fun. i hope my thumb gets better soon. though, i've found "new" ways to do things now that i can't use one of my thumbs. (and washing one hand is really funny.)

☆ as of friday evening, i've received seven envelopes of scrap squares!! yay!! i think i'm just going to do a plain patchwork quilt using all the squares and not mixing in any others or putting a border around them or anything. but, i'll have to wait until i have all of them to actually see how big (or small?) that will end up being. i'm totally a visual person when it comes to things like this.

☆ tonight (friday) i went on a second date with still-need-a-better-name-for Noki. i went down to yokohama (minatomirai) and he met me at the station. he showed me where he works (a hotel in the area) and then we had dinner at a little pasta/cake restaurant. then we went to have a look at the view, but it was raining, so we headed toward tsutaya. the minatomirai tsutaya has a bookstore and starbucks on the first floor and the rentals on the 2nd floor. the first floor has a bunch of tables and couches and you can read whatever you want from the bookstore while enjoying coffee. and then just put the books/magazines back when you're done! it wasn't crowded and we both found something to read (him motorcycle magazines, me a photo book) and sat there reading and occasionally chatting before heading back into the rain for home. cute highlights: him offering to button my coat when i was struggling with my gimp thumb, him seeming happy that i noticed he had different glasses than last time, him talking about us hanging out in the future as if it was a given (yesterday he texted me asking when i was going to mt fuji in august and when i told him when and asked why he said, "oh, angela aki is playing august 7th and i thought we could go together..." august?!! *big grin*) i might have more than a crush on this boy. ;)

☆ my apartment is (still) a mess. in case there are any sleepovers in the near future (or, in order to HAVE sleepovers?? :P) i need to clean it. i mean, really clean it. really. i also have a marathon long to-do-list that isn't getting any shorter. i must fix that too.

☆ this boy makes me grin like an idiot. sigh. <3

things i love thursday

.birthday candles.
.straight teeth.
.cute boys playing guitars in front of stations.
.dads laughing with their sons in the park.
.hugs from people you love but don't expect to be hugged by.
.がんばれ！texts from a boy you might have a serious crush on.
.people who tell it like it is, even if it hurts. a lot.
.haircuts and salon blow dried hair.
.coloring (with crayons especially).

bittersweet

i felt sick from the time i woke up. i knew this day was coming, and i'd had a wonderful weekend with ample amounts of sewing, baking, friends, sunshine and walking. but no amount of blue skies and sun were going to make a difference, it seemed.

first period i had to administer a proficiency test for the 3rd years. it was english, so i took the test along with them and then wrote some notes of what i wanted to say. after that i made my usual escape to the nurse's office. i use the scale there once a week or so and love chatting with the two nurse's. fabulous ladies, really.

i walked back toward the staff room, stopping by the cafeteria to pick up a lunch box. the vice principal was sitting, alone, eating his usual ramen lunch. i approached him and asked if today was the day. and he said, "yeah, i wrote that we'll be having a meeting on the board. 12:30." right. i needed the next hour to prepare myself. but, i still managed to chat with the bread shop ladies (who, it shall be noted, have been on the outs with me after a particularly unneeded comment by one of them several months ago. maybe i was just in a bad mood? i still have a chit chat with them every once in awhile, but not as much as before.) i spilled the beans about my date on wednesday (it shall also be noted that the nickname Noki totally doesn't fit this guy and i want to change it but nothing good has come to mind)

as i turned to leave, i saw a coworker (i've never posted about him, but he's an english teach and the middle school soccer coach and we've worked closely for the last two years). by now the vice principal had left, so he was sitting alone. i broke the news to him, not that it was much different, but i said i wanted to say something privately, but never knew when or how.

i went back to the staff room and things seemed so different. no, it was only me. i made a cup of tea and pulled out some raisin biscuit snacks out of my desk. 25 more minutes.

two trips to the bathroom and lots of fidgiting later, the meeting was called. there was some news about a teacher who's been absent since the beginning of the year (kind of an older fragile LOVELY man) and then your classic "the flu is going around, please remind kids to gargle and WASH THEIR HANDS!!" announcement, and then it came:

"and, jo has some news..."

i awkwardly stood up, asking if i should stand (insert nervous laugh) and i stepped back so no one was behind me. and then i started crying. ha. go me. back to my desk for tissues. and then i started to talk. and my mind went blank. back to my desk for my notes that i'd jotted down earlier (good thing!!)

and with that, i announced to the middle school staff room that i was quitting in march.

there were a lot of surprised faces, some reassuring, some just attentively listening, and one even teary eyed face. i was, needless to say, a blubbering mess. but i got it all out and then sat back down and felt completely out of place.

the british teacher who sits next to me was in semi-shock (or maybe just me?). his japanese isn't all that great, but he figured out what was happening. and i felt kind of bad for not saying anything sooner, but...well, he wouldn't be one of the first people i'd feel obligated to tell, despite the fact that we work so closely. we get along on a professional level, but i don't think we'd be friends if we'd met under different circumstances.

lunch was over and teachers got moving to their classrooms and other business. and i just sat there. i didn't know what to do.

and soon, one of my favorite teachers came in. she'd had a high school class during the time of the meeting, so she wasn't there. so i "psst"ed at her across the desks and said, "i told everyone..." and she looked at me, "told them what?" "that i'm quitting..." and she came scurring around the desks and ushered me out into the visitor's room. and i said it again. and she started crying. and she hugged me. and i cried. and it was a pitiful sight i'm sure! ha.

she told me that she'd heard in passing from the vice principal, and that he and her were both really shocked and surprised. and that she'd also talked to with Ms. Ohio (they both cried about it apparently) who has been so wonderful going to dinner once in awhile and listening to me during the last couple months of all this decision making. but she said that she didn't want to believe it was true and now hearing it from me, she was so sad. and my heart broke. but she realized that there are other things i want to do and i should while i can. she lives near me, so i said, "we'll still be close! i'm not moving!" and she said, "but if i can't see you everyday...!!" she's like a mother to me. always listens to my stories and worries and always understands when i'm down and out or laughs with me when i'm giddy and chatty.

i left the visitor's room with her, laughing about something, and joined some coworkers at the back table who were eating lunch. it was seemingly normal, but i felt so weird. just, unsettled, i guess.

in the afternoon, we third year teachers had a meeting to discuss awards for the upcoming graduation and before the meeting started, the woman who sits next to me said that when i got up and started saying, "i've got a personal announcement..." she thought it was going to be some kind of celebratory announcement. i laughed and said, "you thought i was going to say i'm getting married?!!!" and she said "yeah..." and another teacher chipped in that he thought so too! i laughed and then, on a more serious note, said, "oh, well then, sorry to disappoint you!"

on the way home, i ended up on the bus with the english teacher/soccer coach and said i really wondered what everyone was thinking, and he said, "i'm sure they all think it's sad, but there's not much else anyone can do...you know? you're gonna leave a big hole, and it's sad, but it's the decision you've made." and i kind of laughed and said, "yeah, no one's gonna throw their hand up and yell, 'NO! i won't accept it! i oppose!!'" and he laughed too. i jokingly asked, "why didn't you??" and he shot back, "we should have had a meeting beforehand to discuss it! hahaha."

i'm glad we can joke about it still. hopefully it stays that way for most of the next 7 weeks. i can't handle too much more crying at work. or, rather, i don't want to cry at work anymore. i did enough of that in my time there, this is a time to have fun and be carefree and enjoy it for only what it is and nothing that it isn't. i love my coworkers. i just don't like my job.

it's all so bittersweet.

pinwheel pillow

saturday i mentioned this pillow project and then yesterday i picked up the necessary round pillow and set on my merry little way!

i didn't take step by step photos, but will probably be making another one soon (i showed some coworkers the photos and got several "i want one!" responses...) so next time i will do a better job of documenting the process for anyone who wants to make one. it may look kind of complicated but it's SUPER easy.

anyway, my first candy colored pinwheel pillow:

and checking off another one on my to do in oh nine! :)

macro monday

tokyo
may 17, 2008
2:59pm

quote of the day

"what i always liked about you
is that you make me feel like
everything is gonna be alright."

-Bee, to me last night.

(awww....)

sew crazy

i saw this pillow over at urbanoutfitters.com and it was love at first sight. it's next on my to-sew list, once i pick up a round pillow!

::stay tuned::


and this project is underway! i have all my fabric squares cut and sealed in addressed envelopes ready to put in the mail. (i have a bunch of really cool photos of them, but don't want to ruin the surprise, in case someone from the swap stops by...) hopefully i'll make it to the post office on monday. and i can't wait to get squares from everyone else!

this year's make-me-smile list:

will be updated appropriately as my birthday nears ;)

☆a free standing coat rack

☆earmuffs

☆silicone alphabet letter mold:
☆lonely planet's best travel in 2009:
☆the 2-carat cup:
☆what's your poo telling you (inappropriately funny! a perfect bathroom read! haha!):

☆"i am not a paper cup":

and how funny, i did the same thing on the exact same day last year!! (and would still like the watch, wallet and egg rug)

things i love thursday

.bumping shoulders (when walking with a cute boy).
.my humidifier.
.my new shower rack that holds everything.
.sewing projects.
.raisin bread.
.unexpected motivation.
.seeing my breath in the air.
.raindrops that land on my contacts.
.converse sneakers and jeans.

quote of the day

"When in doubt, show up early. Think less. Feel more. Ask once. Give thanks often. Expect the best. Appreciate everything. Never give up. Make it fun. Lead. Invent. Regroup. Wink. Chill. Smile."

-the Universe

museum date

after a short work day today, i headed into roppongi, to the national art center (check number 15 off my to do in oh nine!). i was meeting Noki at 3:30 at nogizaka station. my train arrived at exactly 3:30 and as i came out of the ticket gates and found the direction of exit 6, he spotted me and smiled. he was a little shorter than i anticipated (168, as i found out later), but well dressed (i'm a sucker for pinstripe pants) with cool glasses, a red scarf wrapped and tucked inside his jacket, and a black hat. and he was way cuter than the photo he sent.

that's right, this date was the result of shameless mixi flirting, weeks of texting, and maybe a 2am phone call when i ended up walking 10km home one night back in december.

after a semi-awkward "nice to meet you" (ha!) we headed off to the art center. some exhibits you had to pay for, but i don't think either of us wanted to pay to see anything so we just checked out all the free exhibits. the biggest exhibition room had lots of japanese calligraphy and paintings scattered throughout. i'm always impressed by huge kanji artwork, or japanese poems (?) on huge scrolls, and there were some really cool paintings too. i didn't take any photos because i wasn't sure if it was allowed.

there was also a cute little library on the 3rd floor which was free to use (hello study spot!!) a cafe and restaurant that looked like they were built onto pillars that come out of the main floor and and reach up to the second and third floors. and of course, we checked out the museum gift shop. i saw a lot of fun "gift" things, but was fairly captivated by the geometric mobiles hanging just outside the gift shop entrance.

i was a little shy about getting my camera out to take a photo, but Noki held my bag while i did, and then broke out his camera after i was finished! he took even more than me, which made me relieved that i wasn't taking too many. i took my camera out again when i realized that he was taking the kind of photos i had wanted to take but didn't because i thought maybe he'd think i was weird for taking so many photos. but they *were* pretty cool...

after that we got back on the train and headed to ueno. he said he'd only been there a few times, so we walked around and i showed him ameyoko, which is a bizarre place when you think about how it's just shoved in under the train tracks, tucked one street
away from a huge street and selling perfume next to gyoza next to hats and bags with a scattering of sushi places and other quick fix eateries.

we ducked into an izakaya and enjoyed chatting for about 3 or 4 hours over a couple drinks. there were only a few silences and we left talking about concerts (there's a coldplay concert coming up but he probably has to work, but we might look into going to see jason mraz. i would be so excited!)

i hate getting so optimistic now, only to be more disappointed later, but i couldn't help grinning like an idiot the whole way home.

macro monday

mt fuji
august 15, 2008
4:13pm

きんちゃく*

(kinchaku, or small pouch)

yesterday i walked to nippori, which is an area famous for being "fabric town", and bought a bunch of fabric for a project i've joined in on over at sycamore stirrings. however, i severely overestimated how much fabric the actual project will require. it's a good thing i picked fabrics i like because now i have a ton of fabric to play with!

so, i didn't waste any time. i used the kinchaku that i bought in kyoto last year as the template and here's the result:

drawstring pouch, about the size of an electronic dictionary, and reversible too!


that's one down, five to go in my to do in oh nine!

unexpected invite

my cellphone is a relic. in the japanese world of phones, an antique. japanese people seem to always be buying a new phone; they want the one with the latest technology that let's them take 5megapixel photos, download music, watch tv and a slew of other functions that are a mystery to me. no, i don't need any of that fancy stuff. if it lets me talk to my friends every once in awhile, and sends text messages, it's good in my book. but my phone has one thing that i'm not willing to give up (...yet).

it actually reads kanji for me. most phones these days have japanese-english dictionaries, but in order to use them, you have to actually know how to say the kanji to look it up in the dictionary. it seems on most phones, you can just highlight, copy and paste the kanji from an inbox text into the dictionary, but my phone eliminates that annoying process and lets me highlight text and choose either "reading" or "english meaning".

for this feature alone (really!) i haven't upgraded or swtiched to a cheaper company or been tempted by the new iPhone or other super thin phones that are out these days. nope, me and my transformer looking royal blue and silver 2005 sanyo phone, we're hangin' in there.

the only problem with having my phone for so long: i have over 300 numbers in it. i'd love to say i just have a lot of friends. that's not the case. unfortunately, japanese phones have infrared capabilities and exchanging numbers is easier than using a microwave. in most cases, that's a plus. but when you're an exchange student at a japanese university and head out to your circle's nomikai, you wake up with next day with numbers from people you don't even remember meeting! or, that guy you danced with at the club? yep, his number's in there, but you wouldn't know him if you ran into him in broad daylight. (oops!) it was an ongoing joke when i was here in college. on monday morning in japanese class, "hey jo, how many numbers did you get *this* weekend?" and i laughed and played the game for what it was worth.

a simple cleaning out of the address book would solve this problem, but for a number of reasons, i haven't. instead, i sorted through and gave everyone in my address book a label. "family", "university", "high school", "work", "misc." and the infamous, "who?" group. yep, there are more people in there than i'd like!

but today i was reminded why i don't just delete those people from my address book; i got a text from one of them!! i vaguely (very VAGUELY!!) remember the name, but i can't figure out where we met or who he is! he invited me to a party tomorrow afternoon. it's got an entrance fee that's more than i'd pay for a new pair of jeans, but curiosity's got the best of me, and after talking to him on the phone (i thought maybe i'd be able to place his voice, but it only threw me off even more! though, he asked if i remembered him and i admitted that i couldn't put a face with his name...doh! he laughed and didn't seem too offended either way though...phew.), i've decided to go.

it's at a fancy hotel, there'll be lots of people, yummy food, and prizes like trips to australia, okinawa, hakone, hokkaido, and other things like passes to disneyland, a free night's stay in the hotel, etc. i'll be sure to let you know how it goes. but for now i'm freaking out about that zit on my cheek and, more importantly, what i'm going to wear!!!

intro(blog)spection

i was reading somewhere a list of questions that you should ask yourself about your blog to access it's successfulness. while i don't blog with the intent of getting more readers (though if that happens, you won't hear me complaining),one question* has been floating around my head this morning.

lately i've been browsing the blogsphere and bookmarking a lot of new blogs that i've stumbled across through all the random clicking (i tend to pick based on either a. a comment i agreed with or thought was funny or b. an interesting blog title) and the question* comes back to me.

and so after some random browsing this morning, i clicked back over to my blog asked myself the question*.

and the answer at the moment is, sadly, "no." yeah, i need to fix that.









*would you read you?

things i love thursday

.heated toilet seats.
.pens that write nice.
.chapstick that tingles so you know it's working.
.quaker chewy granola bars.
.laughing about simple things.
.my banana case.
.new 毛布! it's so warm.
.消しゴムはんこ.
.peaches and yogurt for breakfast.

multitasking

stuffed eggplants cooking in the oven, magazine pages and postcards half sorted on the floor, and this playing on my computer:


(i couldn't find the actual video, but didn't want a live version...)



a perfect hooping song.


sorry hoops, i've neglected you far too long! i think my abs and back are gonna be hurtin' tomorrow.


and, i don't think i actually like eggplant that much.

macro monday

bali, indonesia
july 29, 2008
1:50pm

too much cheer?

i smell like cheer laundry detergent. that alone, is not a bad thing. in fact, i really like the smell. but when it's all over the floor too, then it's a bad thing:

my laundry detergent bottle fell from the new clearly-not-wedged-in-tightly-enough shelves with a thud (and a splash because the refill bags of body soap and shampoo fell into the toilet!) the cap broke in half and bright blue laundry detergent went spilling out across the floor, around the toilet, and almost out the door.

i threw the detergent saturated toilet mat into my shower room, and tried to soak up what i could with paper towels. then, i took advantage of a HUGE amount of detergent and threw my kitchen mat in with the toilet mat. i gave them a much needed cleaning, but there was so much soap that even after several rinses, there were still suds forming. i gave up and hung them up to dry. we'll see how they turn out...

i used tons of paper towels to soak up and "wash off" the floor, but i can't get the soapy feeling off the tile. it's like there's a layer of it that just won't go. one drop of water and my toilet room will be a slip-n-slide disaster.

i like the smell and all...but this might be a little too much cheer.

sunday ☆s

☆ i am on a 3-egg-whites-and-toast breakfast kick. i don't really like yolks and usually i just make them scrambled, but egg whites are just so tasty! i *knew* i should've bought that egg separator when i saw it a couple weeks ago. i put it back thinking i wouldn't use it that much...figures. and, this past week, in my jet-lagged state, i've been waking up several times a night and finally by 5am i can't make myself stay in bed any longer, so i actually cooked eggs before school one morning! look at me go!

☆ i worked all day yesterday. 7:45am to 6:30pm. in the morning i helped put together trays of treats and coffee for the parents, who were all sitting in the gym for 4 hours waiting for their kids to take the entrance test. then i wandered back and forth from the home-ec room to the gym to make sure everything was okay (as if *me* being there would solve a problem if there was one! ha) in the afternoon, i was in the "math" grading group. lots of numbers! and circling and x-ing and checking and double checking scores. we finished way earlier than all the other subjects (and we even took VERY liberal breaks) and then i got to leave with the part time teachers, who were dismissed around 6:30pm.

☆ i went shopping in shibuya today at loft and tokyu hands for all kinds of household items. i had a measuring marathon before i left the house, and was prepared with lengths, widths, depths, heighths, you name it! i also took some photos so when i finish cleaning and "updating" different spaces in my apartment, we'll have fun before and after photos!
i got two adjustable shelves (the spring loaded kind that you can put up between two close walls), two curtain rods (same spring loaded deal), some hooks for my jimmy-rigged shower head (right now it's actually tied up to the shower curtain rod, but sometimes i want to be able to use it to hose out the bathtub or something, but it's tied, so i can't. problem solved...soon!), a rack for all my shower "things" like shampoo and conditioner, a bunch of cute postcards (including some "thank you" ones for those christmas thank you notes!), and two furoshiki and one tenugui (side note: i was sadden to see they had the EXACT same furoshiki that i bought in kyoto back in october. to me it was kind of a special kyoto souvenir, and there it was, in the shibuya loft! hmph...oh well. i bought two in a different pattern to make a curtain for my toilet room or in front of my sink or just for some other upcoming sewing project - stay tuned!) i also looked at curtains, but got more and more indecisive the longer i stood there, and eventually just walked away. but i *think* i know which ones i want.

☆ i wore my new skinny jeans and cool grey suede boots today. all dressed up and no one to impress. :P

☆ Shrek texted me today. he sent me a message on mixi just before i left to come back to japan and i never answered it. but having been given the silent treatment twice in the last year, i don't have the heart to just ignore him completely, so i replied. my usual "answer posed question and ask one in return" method of texting has been replaced with "answer posed question and hit send." yeah, call me mean...i've already laid it out saying "i don't think we'll ever be more than friends" but he's one persistent guy. sigh.

☆ tomorrow's a holiday! yay. makes up for working all day saturday.

five a.m. dream

i walked up a street of campus, students wandering across streets with no concern for cars; they own this town.

and i could tell by his walk, it was him. and i half hoped he knew it was me. we got closer and in the middle of the street, he calmly said, "no way." and i hugged him and said, "how are you?" as we stood there, aquantainces, other friends from school, younger than me, younger than him, gathered. i surprised a few of them, being on campus. AA was so excited to see me. he invited me to have coffee, and i accepted. he said, "yeah, we're on our way there now." we?

him and a gaggle of girls. i tagged along. that's the polite thing to do, right? i didn't really know the girls, but he invited, and, well, i wouldn't mind having coffee with him, even it meant sharing. AA was tagging along to talk to me and as we neared the restaurant, she pulled me aside, "jo, i don't know if you wanna go..." "why?" "well, they're all getting together to talk about their fantasies, so none of them will be uncomfortable with each other." oooh, it's THAT kind of gathering of girls. whoa.

we got the the restaurant and as i wondered how he was going to start a conversation in such a place, i saw him about to go inside and i yelled out his name. the others all went inside and we stood outside the door. i said,

"hey, i don't know if i belong here."
"what do you mean?"
"i mean...

suddenly i was laying down in a bed, right there in the tiny courtyard entrance to the restaurant, under a fluffy comforter, him sitting next to me, the comforter blocking my view of him.

"...there are days i still think about you and wonder what it would have been like. but i know it wouldn't have worked out. some days i wonder what it would have been like to be with you. but it didn't work out, because it wasn't supposed to. you know...?"

i sat up and looked at him. was he crying? was i crying?
i think he said, "ouch," as if taking a low blow to his ego.
"sorry, am i being too blunt?"
he started to talk, "it's just..." and instead of finishing his sentence, he leaned in and to kiss me.
"whoa, wait..."

he leaned in closer, as i leaned back, away from him. he was persistent, gently pushing me back and moving himself next to me on the bed.

"what are you doing?...hey...stop..."

my lips were dry, which made kissing him awkward, but it was him, and i couldn't put my foot down and really make him stop. i let the words out anyway, "really...stop...what...?..."

"i hate all the hate."
"what hate? i don't hate you..." and i started to get a little angry. "it wasn't going to work out!"

he said, "i love the hate..." in a voice clearly turned on by my resistance. he pushed me back onto the bed, the comforter between us and the window to the restaurant. and because it was him, i couldn't really say no....

...and then i woke up.




aahhh, crazy (lonely) jet lag induced dreams. ha.


i guess i will always be attracted to him, even when it doesn't make sense to be.

rainy winter day

it finally rained in tokyo after what was apparently a really long dry spell. the air this morning was cold and crisp, but felt wet and refreshing in my nose and lungs.

of course there's only so much damp cold a person can take before they break out the fleece socks, the chenille throw blanket, the scarf AND a hat. and then you just have to give up:

so, in attempts to warm up in my 12degree apartment, i took a bath. my skin is red (the sign a of a good hot soaking in the tub!) my toes and fingers are not quite to the wrinkly stage, and (not bath related, technically) my eyelids are so heavy i nearly fall asleep if i sit still for more than 5 minutes. i know i shouldn't, but i'm going to bed.

jet lag 1, jo 0.

side note: i have to leave the house at 6:40am tomorrow for work. with any stroke of luck will be home by 8pm after helping to proctor AND grade the tests of over 800 hopeful 6th grade elementary school kids who want to enter the middle school come april: welcome to entrance test season hell.

things i love thursday

.long, hot showers.
.the edible omiyage mountain at work.
.vegetable juice.
.apple juice on airplanes.
.my new bag by orla kiely.
.inarizushi. "sushi in a bean bag"<--hahaha, i LOVE it!
.getting new years cards.
.back-pain-free mornings = sleep sprawled out.
.american cream solid perfume from LUSH.

back on the island

i got back to tokyo yesterday afternoon.

i splurged an extra 920yen for the skyliner from narita to ueno AND 890yen for a cab from ueno to my house. i could have walked forever to transfer trains in ueno, gone one stop, lugged my suitcase and duffel bag up the stairs (hello no elevator...) and walked five minutes home, but i was too lazy. i just figured my shoulders and back would thank me today. and they are, sort of.

my back had been hurting for several months before going home and i just figured it was stress, but i think it's my mattress; i woke up this morning and the familiar ache in my lower back was back. maybe it's from sleeping curled up in a ball? or not having a box spring? or maybe the mattress just needs to be flipped over? i think i sleep all curled up because my feet get cold (even wearing socks) so i'm debating investing in a 毛布. i have a comforter, and even though it's really warm, it's really light, and i think i need that "heavy" feeling to feel like i'm really "under" the covers. so, i might be in the market for a heavy blanket.

speaking of warm things: i finally broke out the heater that i got from chelsea back in march. i'd put it out on the balcony with the (still?) smelly suitcase and sort of out of spite at it, left it there. in my jet lagged state, up since 4am, i decided around 5:30 to test it out. i wiped it clean, plugged it in and within about 10 minutes was nice and warm! and then not 20 minutes later, it started beeping at me. low gas. oh great.

internet to the rescue! in trying to find out where i can buy gas for this heater, i read some interesting message board conversations about kerosene vs. electric vs. oil heaters vs. kotatsu, but figured they were all moot since i already OWN this kerosene heater. turns out i can just take the gas tank out of the heater, take it to the gas station and fill it up for 428yen, which i did. and now we're back in business. :) it's a bit smelly, but i turned my ventilation fan on and figure the smell is just the price of being warm.

[UPDATE: it's 12:45pm and it just beeped at me again saying it only has 30 minutes of heating time left! 428yen for 5 hours? granted i wouldn't normally be home all day like today, but still! i'm no math major but i'm pretty sure that's not going to save me ANY money. i'd rather just pay the almost 4000yen for my monthly electric heating bill.]

only other exciting news: i had a bunch of new year's cards waiting for me when i got home. i addressed all mine on new years day and finished them with little personal notes on the plane so they're ready to send out today. i got a couple from people that i didn't make one for, so i need to sit down this morning and write those. i didn't get one from some people that i sort of expected to get one from though. i wonder if i just didn't make the cut on their new years card list or if they just aren't sending them out this year...? well, i'm sending mine out today either way.

(it's a photo i took of a sunrise from the top of mt fuji this summer)

macro monday

tokyo
october 6, 2007
3:14pm

to do in oh nine

☆2008 leftovers☆
(also, i cut some and/or incorporated others into new ones)

1 1-stop biting my nails - this will be on my list every year, oh well.
2 11-take a trip by myself
3 13-keep in touch with friends back home - mail a letter to someone once a month (6/12)
4 18-explore my neighborhood - go to 3 bars/restaurants within walking distance (3/3)
5 28-learn to like sushi - this will probably be on my list forever too
6 32-read more - read one book a month (4/12)
7 38-clean out my itunes
8 49-get a massage (or two!)


☆habits☆
(beauty, diet, study, exercise)

1 stick with a face skin care routine
2 eat breakfast before work (/everyday, once i quit teaching)
3 make a japanese study schedule and stick to it (esp. once i quit teaching)
4 hoop (or do some kind of exercise) three times a week, even for just 10 minutes


☆one time deals☆

1 clean out, organize and update blogroll/favorites/bookmarks folders
2 buy curtains
3 buy a (digital?) slr camera
4 work on mt fuji again
5 find a new job
6 go to a new foreign country
7 travel to a new place in japan (maybe hokkaido? or osaka?) okinawa.
8 get permanent hair removal(in progress)
9 pass level one of the JLPT
10 organize my magazine clippings/etc. (make an inspiration board, or two!)
11 go see a concert
12 go see cirque du soleil
13 go see one other performance
14 go to the ghibli museum
15 go to another museum
16 go to yet another museum
17 not-appropriate-for-web-sharing-secret-number-17 ;)
18 bike across tokyo (ueno to shibuya?)
19 enter in a photo contest


☆multiple time deals☆

1 apartment cleaning (including but not limited to toilet room, bath room, senmenjo, stovetop, kitchen cabinets, kitchen sink, kitchen pantry "area", desk, tv area, bookshelf, oshiire, other bedroom closet space, bedroom cabinet, and balcony)
2 make 6 things on my sewing machine (9/6)
・1) きんちゃく
・2) pinwheel pillow
・3) charm quilt is finally finished!!
・4) intial bag
・5) cherry blossom baby messenger bag
・6) pretty panel curtain for my shower doorway
・7) chutes and ladders quilt top
・8) dress for okinawa
・9) travel pouch for flashcards
・10) picnic quilt (in progress)
・11) PET bottle bag
3 have a "home party" at least 2 times (1/2)
4 learn 5 "japanese" recipes (okay, ANY recipes) (4/5)
・1) pork and cucumber kimchi salad
・2) dijon mustard chicken cheese sauté
・3) macaroni and cheese bake
・4) creamy pumpkin salad
5 call home once a month (4/12)
6 invest at least as much as 2008, if possible, depending on job situation
7 try out kumon (or other japanese language school) for one month

things i love thursday

.making new years cards.
.scene it for xbox.
.candy flavored shots.
.staying up late.
.sleeping in even later.
.homemade applesauce.
.wireless internet.
.american grocery stores.
.christmas decorations.

☆happy new year!☆

welcome to 2009.

i've got a lot of things i want to write about, but the last couple days have been crazy busy. and now i'm off to print out my new year's cards and start addressing them (hello kanji practice! ><) but new year's dinner with my family is in less than 15 minutes.

i'll get back to it all...sometime soon. hopefully.