doing nothing being everything

sometimes when too much time has passed, it just seems impossible to catch up on everything that has happened. but lately i've wanted to pick this back up. and maybe over time, the stories i have will come out.

today is the last day of my three day weekend, all thanks to "umi no hi" (Marine Day or Ocean Day). on such a day, it would seem appropriate to actually GO to the ocean. but i didn't. instead, i consoled my friend. Chelsea's friend Rose, from home, has been visiting for the last two weeks. Chelsea took her to the airport this morning.

i was woken by a text message, "hate goodbyes! makes me want2 leave2 :,( why i am in this country again?"

eventually the text conversation ended in deciding she would come over to my place. my apartment was a mess, so i cleaned the toilet, the shower, the sink, and tried to tidy up at least a little bit before she came over. even after she came over, i kept cleaning. she doesn't have internet access at home, so i let her use my computer: email, facebook, even a couple episodes of the O.C. it was highly productive for me because she kept my computer occupied (aka no distraction for me), and she was surprised each time she turned around to see my cleaning progress. now i just have to clean my bedroom. maybe another day.

i cooked spaghetti and we watched another episode while eating. she did the dishes, which i was so grateful for, but i felt bad when she started crying. i know, all too well about needing to cry just to cry, but i still didn't know what to say and felt like i should have. but, i figured just letting her cry was better than trying to fill the silence with some awkward or unecessary words.

i lent her a book, and gave back one i borrowed from her, a chocolate bar left over from an unsuccessful mt fuji climb, a photo of her and a friend i took two years ago, and a bag i have but am not sure i like or not. i'll be leaving soon and will be gone for a month and she'll make much better use out of it than me.

we didn't do anything spectacular today, but i love these rare days when i can just "hang out" with a friend. even though we are each doing our own thing, in a way just being in each other's company and knowing that we don't have to fill every minute with conversation is so wonderful.

times like these make me wonder if i want to live with a housemate. most of the time i love living alone: having my own space and being on my own. but sometimes the lonely feeling after company leaves sits so heavy in my chest that it's just too much. like it will always be this way. like people will always go somewhere else, and at the end of the day, i'll be the one to lock the door, turn off the lights, and say goodnight to the empty air.