lately

it feels like so much has happened in the last 4 days. so much that i don't know where to start. so much that i don't even want to start.

i want to write something eloquent and deep and meaningful. something of substance with a point. but the words aren't there. but for the record (recently i have loved looking back at particular days to see what i was doing or thinking, and really glad i have some kind of record of my life to loook back on), here it is.

at the end of last week, i fell in love with spray painting and painting in general. i made some really cute wire shapes and framed them (they're still waiting for a nice coat of colorful paint on the background, then i'll post a photo), and "redid" the wall of stuff on the wall behind my computer. i painted the set of drawers that sit on my desk (and moved one to another place). i figured out a creative way to hang the piece of art i wanted to hang on my wall. it's a acceptable substitute putting a big hole in the wall. for the little stuff, i decided to just put nails in walls where i wanted. of course they are really little nails.

the weekend was a flashback to when i used to drink, party, bring boys back to my apartment and then pretend to be a good girl in front of my coworkers. i went with Mr. Disney to a party of a friend of his. Mr. Disney had to leave early, but the guy i was talking to assured him that he'd walk me to the station. time came to leave and there was hardly a discussion at the station when i asked which way he was going home and he said "(name of my station)". i just let him. i didn't let him kiss me on the train platform, despite several attempts, though.

sunday we woke up and cuddled all morning. then my stomach acted up and i waited for it to calm down until i couldn't wait any longer (without missing the whole festival), put on my cute new skirt and i went to school for the school festival (bunkasai). i saw the teacher i'm totally crushing on. :) i went drinking with a bunch of teachers afterward too. sadly, he didn't come, but it was a great time anyway. of course i couldn't tell Mr. Disney that i took that guy home the night before, but i implied that he was texting me and inviting me out for dinner and when i sort of lightly said, "ah, but there's that other guy i like...what should i do??" he said, "ignore him. go for the other guy!" and i said, "wait, do you know who i'm talking about?" and he said, "there's no way i wouldn't know!" and laughed at me for thinking he didn't know. i asked if the teacher knew and Mr. Disney said he didn't think so. but, turns out Mr. Disney and Cheer both knew about me liking the teacher. how much longer until it gets back to the teacher, i don't know. not that that in and of itself would be a bad thing, it just feels so middle school-ish.

yesterday i went to a farm and helped spread natural fertilizer (read: manure). i'm debating just throwing out the shoes i wore (my old beaten-up converse) than deal with cleaning them. i'm sore today. but it was so nice to get out in nature and do some manual labor. it feels good. i can't wait for fuji. in the evening, i managed to make it to disney sea (after six discount) to meet up with two old coworkers. mostly because one of them was aforementioned teacher i like.

see, Mr. Disney is a die hard disney fan (hence the name). they had the day off yesterday for working on sunday and he, of course, was going. he invited me last week, before i even knew who was going, but i already had plans and said i could't make it. on sunday i found out that the teacher i like was going, so when my farming adventure ended mid-afternoon, i came home, showered and made my way to disney sea.

Mr. Disney was ever so accommodating when it came to ride seating arrangements (without being obvious, of course) and at one point "stopped to take a photo" of something and said he'd catch up, leaving the two of us to walk through the park to the next ride. i'm so glad i went. Mr. Disney is kind of heartbroken at the moment, so it's nice to spend time doing something he loves (not much else to do for friends in times like these except hang out with them and be thankful for whatever smiles you can get out of them) we had a fancy dinner and rode a couple rides and just walked around and laughed and chatted and, even though it put a huge hole in my wallet, right now i don't mind if it means i get to spend time with my crush. (such a sucker...sigh) when i got home, the guy from the party called and we talked for an hour. and he asked me to dinner this week. i agreed. (a glutton for punishment, eh?)

today i got an email from the guy i'm working part time-ish for, asking me to come to the office tomorrow and then dinner (maybe his son will come?!! haha - i think i blogged about that sometime last summer...). i've been waiting for almost two weeks to hear from him so i had to cancel on the guy from the party. my recent lack of sleep caught up with me today too. i did do some decent kanji practice over at readthekanji.com though and took a 30 minute nap. and then headed to BEST. i got interviewed for the monthly magazine they send out to their some 400plus members. yikes. that's what i get for being one of two foreigners. they took pictures during the interview too; hopefully there's at least one that looks half decent. i talked with the guy for an hour and a half and there was another guy, who is actually going to write the interview article. we talked about so much, i don't know how he's going to wrap it up into a concise (something my japanese is NOT, so add that in there too...) one page interview article. we'll see. it comes out on july 1st.

on my way home, i texted the teacher. he's swamped at work and doesn't have much time to reply, but...sigh. it'd be so much easier if i weren't crushing on him so hard, because i could just go for the guy from the party. he's assertive and makes initiative, and speaks some english and...well, he's a good cuddler. (i think i've mentioned how if you don't "click" under the covers...coughKaraokeBoycough...haha. that's not to say that it's everything, but, it's a factor, no??!) but i love hanging out with the teacher and i've let myself so foolishly daydream about him and am stuck on him. here's to hoping that things work out...somehow. soon. please? ;)