i'm not even sure where to start.
hello?
for the first time in probably 5 years, i haven't even managed things i love thursday posts. but i want to. i have wanted to get back to this space. if only for those weekly posts, practicing gratefulness is something that makes me a happier person. i miss it. i need it.
and the truth? i need somewhere to get my thoughts out and sorted because i am slowly shutting down and just going through the motions of everything.
work is all consuming. i am not sleeping well and wake up in cold sweats or tears or jolt awake from vivid/panicked work dreams. if #5 had it his way, i would have quit months ago. he hates the stress it brings and what that does to me.
financially, that was not an option until i got out of my apartment lease and we consolidated our bills (to close to nothing, which we did, thanks to his work benefits/perks). now that we have done that and i'm spending close to 4 hours a day commuting to a job that is decidedly less satisfying than it used to be (it used to be so much different...) there is a lot to think about.
and then there's a wedding to plan. from half way across the world. ironically enough, as the dollar signs get bigger, the need for that paycheck also increases but the job makes wedding planning slow. it's a catch 22. and my parents are helping out a ton, but sometimes i feel like i'm being micromanaged. i haven't found out x, y or z but they will ask every. single. time. we talk, as if they hadn't already asked. and every facetime conversation is about the wedding. sigh. my dad tries to change the subject and my mom scolds him, despite that i love that he does that. don't give up dad. change the subject as much and often as she'll let us!
oh and in august, my whole family is coming to japan for a week. and, the agenda is as, if not more, ambitious as always. mt. fuji, kyoto, tokyo, and a wedding party for our japan "family" and friends. i haven't even begun to get that sorted. well, did make a hotel reservation at the base of mt. fuji and my dad made kyoto reservations. it's a start...
i have always blogged from my computer, but i haven't opened my laptop in over 3 months. #5 and i bought a "family computer" desktop, and since he doesn't know about it, it got lost in the shuffle of moving and finding our rhythm. and well, we are still trying to find that rhythm, but i hope this blog can still be part of my song.
5 comments:
I hope you can get back into the swing of things :) Personally, I like the informational blogs like today's. Just with normal life stuff! Good luck with the wedding planning. And good on your dad. I imagine its consuming his life a lot too, in that kind of 'really want to sound like I'm involved, but its a wedding, so leave that up to the girls' kind of way :) xxx
I haven't blogged for so long I was looking for a like button! >_<
Quit the job! SOunds like it is draining you and you can surely find something closer with all your experience??
Ugh. Had a whole response typed out and then lost it.
Haven't commented in forever but glad to see you blogging again! It seems like you have a lot going on right now. Is there opportunity to quit your job or switch companies? No sense in being miserable especially compared to the past when you seemed to really love it. Hope you (and the both of you) find your rhythm soon. Big life changes can be overwhelming even with happiness attached. :)
Long commutes can really suck enjoyment out of a job, can't they! Is there any way you could move to something closer to home? I've been lucky to switch some days to work-from-home and it has made a world of difference!
And I hear you on the wedding planning from afar. We're *only* planning a reception for Canada but... Garrrrrgh! Good luck!!
I am enjoying catching up with your blog, deciphering codes and seeing the past two years as a flickering roll. It sounds sweet, and new, will keep up more!
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