on thanksgiving (and other similar occassions)

i am having serious "delegation" issues.

tomorrow is our thanksgiving.
the thanksgiving i wanted to host.
the thanksgiving that Style and his girlfriend,
with a swift, "we're doing thanksgiving," decided on.

so, i couldn't play host, i did the next best thing: i called dibs on mashed potatoes and cranberry dressing. i suggested Bee bring salad (he makes a mean balsamic vinaigrette dressing). he said he'd do that and mini pumpkin pies. then S and GF said they'd "have their hands full with the turkey." so the green bean dish the GF talked about? not happening, i guess.

i hate to be an unthankful bitch, but when i hosted thanksgiving last year, i did everything except the drinks. that would be the turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green beans, cranberry salad, mini pumpkin pies, and tea. i asked people to bring 1000yen to offset the costs and S brought the wine. i WANTED to cook it. i wanted to pull it all off in a tiny japanese kitchen. maybe it was to prove something to myself. anyway...

yesterday, two days before the event and Bee doesn't have pumpkin. AND giving the excuse he's been super busy this week and hasn't had time to do anything AND has a wedding tonight of a college friend (read: lots and LOTS of drinking) so the number of dishes he actually makes will depend on tonight's festivities.

need i remind myself, he cancelled last minute last year? i don't know what's worse, him coming and being totally hungover or not coming at all...

(i'm sick of shitty friends. and by that i mean, i'm sick of caring about friends more than they care about me. i look forward to these "events" so much and when others don't, it feels personal. i know it's not. i KNOW it isn't, but god it feels like it. ugh, why am i crying?)

anyway, so not only do i not get to host, the people who ARE hosting aren't even making the majority of the food! so i have to haul my ass and all the food i'm making to their place. (granted, i offered AND i want to, but now it's beginning to feel like if i DON'T, there's gonna be turkey and wine. yeah, happy thanksgiving...)

then GF posted on facebook a couple hours ago that the turkey arrived. i commented, "i assume it's not frozen? can't wait to sit on your new sofa and eat that sucker! haha" and GF writes that they're "thawing it now." um, did you BOTHER to check on thawing a turkey?! they take a couple DAYS!!! i emailed Style and said they recommend 2-3 days and he replied, "yeah i suspected as much. well, we will sort it out tomorrow."

ahhhhhh!!!!!!

the micro-manager in me is having a FULL. BLOWN. FREAK. OUT.

seriously?!!!

no, really....seriously?!!

and yes, i realize it's totally irrational to get upset about something so "trivial" as a turkey and for god's sake, it's THANKSgiving, i should be thankful. but i'm pissed and frustrated and their lack of...planning? or caring? i mean, maybe it'll turn out fine and food will get made and hauled and people will be pleasant and food will be delicious and we'll all talk and be merry and be thankful for everything we have, and maybe it'll be fine. but damn, i hate delegating for this very reason: because it just sets me up to be completing and utterly disappointed in people. people that i care about, but that seem to have other things more important than me. and i know it's not "me" per se, that maybe thanksgiving just doesn't mean as much to them as i've made it mean to me. and i can't blame them for having different values and different priorities. but if you don't care THAT much, why take it on? don't volunteer to play host if you don't want to cook more than one thing (we're taking a bottle of wine but Style and GF better have something in the way of drinks), don't say you'll make something, if you aren't gonna even show up in the end (i'm calling it now: Bee is too hungover to even get out of bed tomorrow, little bitch.)

and then i wonder if maybe this is all just part of me learning to let things go? how do you know when it really is just you being too "uptight" or "possessive" or when it's okay to fight for it because it means THAT much to you?




p.s.
here's what i'm making/taking:
mashed potatoes
cranberry salad (my mom's recipe - it's not thanksgiving without it)
mini pumpkin pies
frosted sugar cookies (i really like making these, so, only if i time)
dinner rolls (store bought)
a bottle of wine