Yokohama update

i hate that i let a stupid boy ruin my good mood.

i haven't really texted much with Yokohama recently. partly because i resigned myself to wait for him to take any little bit of initiative. but, alas, he never did.

last week, Yokohama texted me, in response to a text i sent him, on my birthday (a mere coincidence. he doesn't know when my birthday is) and i replied and put "birthday!" in the subject line. then he never replied.

that was last thursday. finally this past friday, i gave in and texted him again. i saw a poster in the train for an exhibition at the tokyo photography museum and i invited him. i asked when his next free day off was.

he wrote back last last night (saturday night) and said that he doesn't have a lot of free time but that the evening of the 16th is free.

i wrote back this morning to say that i wasn't free on the 16th and asked about next week. then later this evening, i got a text from a coworker saying that the farewell party that was supposed to be tomorrow got called off. i considered texting Yokohama to tell him i was free now, but figured i'd just take the evening to myself and left my offer stand at next week.

Yokohama wrote back about an hour ago and said that he doesn't have next week's shift schedule yet but that he's got a lot of plans so we probably couldn't get together.

so i decided to tell him tomorrow night opened up and also that after next week, i'll be out of tokyo and then out of japan and i won't be coming back until may.

he wrote back and said that he's now got plans for tomorrow night. and then said, "may huh...well, let's get together when we can!"

i wrote back, "oh... :( yeah, it looks like it'll be awhile til we can get together but let's text every once in awhile, yeah?"



and the whole time, all i really want to know is...does he have a girlfriend? is he even interested in me? am i just wasting my time? because, as far as i'm concerned, we aren't going to ever become really good friends. we'll either be something more than friends, or we'll slowly just drift off each others' radar.

i had a great end to today until i let Yokohama get into things.

i wish this loneliness would just go away. then things wouldn't get so complicated.


...sigh.



p.s. consensus from Bee is as follows:

you guys went out a couple times, he thought about it, and just decided he's not into you like that. and now he's making excuses because he doesn't want to just come out and say it. and it sucks, but at least it's happening before something actually did happen between the two of you, because then it'd hurt even worse. you could throw it out there that you might be into him, but you don't want to be dating someone who makes you feel like this in the first place. just let it go. get over him. he's not worth your time.

i wish i had talked to Bee before i sent that last text. i would have written something with a bit more "whatever" attitude. so i guess it's get-over-the-boy-time again. bring on the ani difranco and fiona apple and a little alana davis too (i am currently purchasing an album i had in high school, but lost somewhere in the shuffle: alana davis, blame it on me. great album.)