what's a weekend without boy gossip?

life is getting complicated. or, my head is getting tangled.

i'd like to "in a nut shell" summarize the situation, but i can't come up with anything that is neat and concise. seems appropriate, i guess.

i like to think that this blog is anonymous, but i know much better than that. there are people i know in person who read it. people who know the people that i talk about. people who are friends, but sometimes i fear there is a monster of a rumor mill that has a life of its own. having said that, i continue, because we all love a little boy gossip. (a glutton for punishment, i'd say.)

last night a woman, who i only vaguely recall meeting once before, said to me that it was obvious that i have feelings for a guy we both know, who has been present both times we've met now. i've only met her once before, so i don't know how much importance i can give to her opinion, but it was unsettling. and there was alcohol involved, so i also wonder how much that factored into the conversation...

but it's got me all confused.

on top of that, the guy told me before that he wanted to introduce me to his friend. i (maybe wrongly?) assumed that the guy meant to introduce us because he thought we'd get along, or as a romantic interest. i was introduced to the friend last night and he is a really nice guy. there was flirting. (innocent grin)

but in the end, there was the woman with her, "but you like the guy, right?? it's obvious. was then is now. look at you, getting all flustered just talking about it!"

but do i? i don't know.

we all have a mental checklist of things we look for in the opposite sex. but which of those things carries the most weight? for example, does mental attraction make up for a lack of physical attraction? is a semi-boring guy okay if he's got money and a secure job? does only having a high school diploma become insignificant when the guy is a great conversationalist? or can a person overlook smoking if the guy is active and/or athletic?

what things are we willing to forgo? what things are just added pluses and which are set in stone must-haves? or is this all too rational and thought out?

am i rationalizing my way into liking the guy? or rationalizing to prove i don't?

i have no idea.

i told the woman that i have a bunch of guy friends, but that we will never be more than friends because just the thought of kissing them is gross, and that seems like a pretty good "draw the line at friends" measurement. but with this guy, it never really crossed my mind. she said, "the only way to find out is to try."

bahahaha. yeah, right.